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Fox's Dana Perino Knows How to Reduce Domestic Violence

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In the wake of that football player shooting his  girlfriend and also an entire human history of widespread violence against women,Fox's Dana Perino has an innovative solution  to end the abuse! Did you know that probably a majority of the time, women who are beaten consciously make a decision to be with the right nut at the right time in the right Applebee's parking lot?


Given that violence against women occurs at alarming rates all over the world (according to a U.N study that's way too long but has some slick graphs), it's about time someone finally figured out an effective way to slow down this malicious universal parasite. For a closer look at how Dana articulates her argument, review this exchange with her Fox Co-Hosts:

PERINO: I think it skirts the issue that women are victims of violence all the time –

CO-HOST: They should have guns!

PERINO: Well, maybe, or make better decisions.

If you listen really carefully you can hear Greg Gutfeld's erection explode as he exclaims with glee, "They should have guns!" He points out that guns help "even the score" between the weak and the powerful, which totally doesn't sound like the musings of a disturbed high school shooter or anything - but who cares, Dana has already made her point! It won't help women to carry guns because everyone should be carrying guns. An abused woman's attacker will have a gun too. Their 4 year old might barrel roll out of her room and turn the thing into a Mexican shootout. Having a gun is a given, silly Greg Gutfeld.

Women need to make better choices. Since abusive males never masquerade as "totally normal, chill dudes," women simply need to stop implicating themselves with skull tatted gas station attendants who run meth on the side. Say it with us three times: I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. Problem solved, ladies.

[MediaMatters]

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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