So here is a thing we know. We know that Josh Duggar did naughty sex things to five little girls, four of whom were his sisters. And Ma and Pa Duggar -- being strict adherents of a religious cult that believes if you inappropriately touch your sister, it's because her unholy whore hole was just askin' for it, like the Bible says -- thought it best to keep that quiet instead of, like, protecting their daughters. How do we know this? Because the Duggars released statements admitting that Josh did a bad, but he is sorry and his family is all A-OK with that now, and none of them have denied any of the details in the police report or any reported details about how they "handled" Josh's molestation of his sisters.

So of course Fox News is the perfect place for the family to appear in public for the first time since the story broke, because Fox is the official sympathetic ear for disgusting people and criminals, as long as they are the conservative kind. The interview airs later this week, but Megyn Kelly had a chat with fellow Fox personality Howard Kurtz, who used to be some kind of so-called journalist before he stopped pretending altogether, to give us a hint of what kind of hard-hitting journalism we can expect from the self-described "tough but fair journalist":

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This isn't going to be a cross-examination of a family. It's going to be an interview. I want to hear their story, and I think America wants to hear their story now.

What's been remarkable to me, as, I admit, somebody who doesn't watch this show, is to see how many in the media have handled it, from jumping to "they're the worst, the house of horrors, you know, this family is sick sick sick," to people like this woman on CNN trying to make this the problem of the Republican presidential field.

Then we watch a quick clip of someone on CNN pointing out, as we have, that all these Republican presidential candidates have cozied up with Josh Duggar. The clip does not mention, as we have, that many Republican politicians have not only smiled for the camera, but have also been happy to have various Duggars endorse them and join them on the campaign trail, to further prove their "family values" credentials, including Mike Huckabee in 2008 and Rick Santorum in 2012. And Huckabee, unlike Santorum, is STILL proudly standing with his Duggar pals. But yeah, what do those random ancient photo-ops have to do with anything? You know what the media should REALLY be focusing on?

Bill Clinton was accused of RAPE. He has been accused by several women of sexually assaulting them. But the fact that a presidential candidate has posed with some random member of the family that's going through this issue is somehow a problem for the GOPers?!?!

[Emphasis included in original, though we don't know how to fully capture with words and punctuation the expressions of horror and disgust on Kelly's face; you'll just have to see for yourself.]

Obviously, there is no difference between Josh Duggar admitting to his crimes and accusations Fox News and other wingnuts still won't let go of that Bill Clinton is the world's worst sex-crimer ever because some conservatives have paid some ladies to say so, without ever being able to offer any evidence at all, IMPEACH! Kurtz agrees, though with fewer facial expressions. "It's amazing," he says. "Look, I've been pretty disgusted by how some liberal media types are using what's obviously a family tragedy to score political points."

Yeah, dumb liberal media, why you gotta stick your nose into the private family matter of a public figure and reality TV fame whore who admitted to molesting several of his own sisters? Especially since you left the Clinton family alone, when the president was accused of naughty sex stuff, to deal with their "family tragedy" in private and never oooohed and ahhhhhhhed and squeeeeeeeed over every single last detail of the orifices into which he stuck various objects or the size and shape of his semen stains.

The most upsetting and relevant point for tough but fair Kelly -- other than how Bill Clinton was accused of rape, obviously -- is that we shouldn't even know about this private matter anyway:

What's happened here is Josh Duggar's private, personal sealed records have been improperly released. It doesn't excuse any of his behavior, and it's not meant to diminish it either, but the records of the young girls have also been released, and in part, their identity, because the police records leave very little doubt about who they are and what family they're a part of. So it's one thing if the Duggars want to talk about this, and we'll get into that, but the media didn't even pause and there is a question about why they were so excited to feast on this carcass.

Yeah, it's a real question. The media isn't exactly known for wanting to feast on the carcass of the criminal and just plain fucking EWWWWWWW behavior of good family values conservatives, who normally get to say "Sorry about that" and then move on with their lives, because Jesus says it's OK. That's why Louisiana Republican and prostitute-patronizer David Vitter is still in the Senate, but New York Democrat and prostitute-patronizer Eliot Spitzer is no longer a governor. For example.

Kelly insists that nothing is off limits, except for asking about any details whatsoever, out of respect for the victims, who, according to conservative defenders, are Josh Duggar and also his parents. Here's hoping the Duggars nail their tough Fox interview so they can seal the deal on that new spin-off show TLC is considering about the Duggars who haven't molested children (that we know of).

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Because while this whole scandal is horrid enough for the channel to suspend all Duggar episodes for now, it's certainly no reason not to look for some way to keep making money for and with the Duggar family. Sure, child molestation is bad, but losing that sweet Duggar cash is a whole lot worse. God bless America.

[Fox News via TPM]