Franklin Graham Just Wants Mayor Pete To Know God Hates Him, Wants Him To Die

Franklin Graham Just Wants Mayor Pete To Know God Hates Him, Wants Him To Die

Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg is gay, which everyone already knows. However, an anti-gay protestor interrupted his rally in Des Moines, Iowa, last week to remind everyone that Buttigieg is a "sodomite," which isn't a shocking revelation. Also, go look up the definition of "sodomy." If it doesn't include some of your own sexual practices, regardless of orientation, then we're sorry.

The protestor also shouted, "Remember Sodom and Gomorrah!" That's probably good advice for a Democratic campaign rally. See, according to the Bible this doofus is supposed to have read, the sins of Sodom were "pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door." Even Pat Robertson understands this. If anyone's turning into a pillar of salt, it's Donald Trump.

Evangelical hack and Trump BFF Franklin Graham graciously defended Buttigieg in a Facebook post on Thursday. He disapproved of the protestor heckling Buttigieg like he was performing observational comedy at the Chuckles Hut off Highway 5. However, he had some quibbles with Buttigieg's response that "the condition of [his] soul is in the hands of God." Graham isn't so sure God wants to touch Buttigieg's soul because it's all queer and sticky.

GRAHAM: Mayor Buttigieg is absolutely right—His soul is in the hands of God, so is everyone's. He also says that he's a Christian and wants to become the first openly gay president in America's history. What's wrong with that picture?

Yeah, what exactly is wrong with this picture?

Can't figure it out? Don't worry. Graham knows, and more importantly, so does JESUS.

GRAHAM: In reality, being a Christian isn't just a title we select or a church membership. It is a faith in God and His Word that transforms our lives to be more like the One we follow—Jesus Christ.

Really? Being a Christian is more complex than just saying you're one and going to church every once in a while? This will come as a shock to 98.5 percent of practicing Christians, including the current Christian in chief. Trump is the contents of Pandora's box stuffed into an ill-tailored suit, but Graham is still a big believer in the president's supposed religiosity. That is venti-sized faith.

Graham and far too many other evangelicals are convinced God personally endorsed Trump. If God is actively selecting a presidential candidate as His instrument on Earth, why wouldn't He give a second look at Mayor Pete? Unlike Trump, Buttigieg isn't the moral equivalent of a used heroin needle. Graham says "no," on account of gay.

GRAHAM: Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15).

If Jesus is referring to the Ten Commandments, none of them involve homosexuality. Meanwhile, Trump is a known narcissist (number one), builder of graven images (number two), potty mouth (number three), Sunday golfer (number four), disgrace to his parents (number five), frequent adulterer (number seven), bill stiffer (number eight), liar (number nine), and obsessed coveter (number 10). The only one we can't pin on him is the sixth (murder). Even we heathens at Wonkette average a solid five out of 10.

GRAHAM: The Bible makes it very clear that homosexuality is a sin.

Please don't quote that bullshit line from Leviticus. We're begging you. Come up with something original to explain your irrational bigotry.

GRAHAM: "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination..." (Leviticus 20:13). That's what God says and that settles it for me. I stand with the Word of God. I care enough about people to tell them the truth and to warn them about the judgment to come for all sin.

We're sure Buttigieg is moved that Graham "cares enough" to send the very best anti-gay garbage. Weird that none of Trump's Whitman's Sampler of sins rises to the level of an "abomination." Graham conveniently doesn't quote the rest of the verse, which states that whoever is doing the gaying "shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." Who cares if God is basically endorsing the Twinkie defense for the murder of gay people. That's what the misogynist homophobes who wrote the Bible claim God said and that "settles it" for Graham. It is strange, though: Graham thinks it's not respectful for some asshole to heckle Buttigieg, but it's apparently an act of Christian charity to publicly inform Buttigieg that his marriage and very existence are an offense to God and worthy of death.

How evangelical!

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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