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Franklin Graham Just Wants Mayor Pete To Know God Hates Him, Wants Him To Die

Culture

Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg is gay, which everyone already knows. However, an anti-gay protestor interrupted his rally in Des Moines, Iowa, last week to remind everyone that Buttigieg is a "sodomite," which isn't a shocking revelation. Also, go look up the definition of "sodomy." If it doesn't include some of your own sexual practices, regardless of orientation, then we're sorry.

The protestor also shouted, "Remember Sodom and Gomorrah!" That's probably good advice for a Democratic campaign rally. See, according to the Bible this doofus is supposed to have read, the sins of Sodom were "pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door." Even Pat Robertson understands this. If anyone's turning into a pillar of salt, it's Donald Trump.

Evangelical hack and Trump BFF Franklin Graham graciously defended Buttigieg in a Facebook post on Thursday. He disapproved of the protestor heckling Buttigieg like he was performing observational comedy at the Chuckles Hut off Highway 5. However, he had some quibbles with Buttigieg's response that "the condition of [his] soul is in the hands of God." Graham isn't so sure God wants to touch Buttigieg's soul because it's all queer and sticky.

GRAHAM: Mayor Buttigieg is absolutely right—His soul is in the hands of God, so is everyone's. He also says that he's a Christian and wants to become the first openly gay president in America's history. What's wrong with that picture?

Yeah, what exactly is wrong with this picture?

PeteforAmerica.com

Can't figure it out? Don't worry. Graham knows, and more importantly, so does JESUS.


GRAHAM: In reality, being a Christian isn't just a title we select or a church membership. It is a faith in God and His Word that transforms our lives to be more like the One we follow—Jesus Christ.

Really? Being a Christian is more complex than just saying you're one and going to church every once in a while? This will come as a shock to 98.5 percent of practicing Christians, including the current Christian in chief. Trump is the contents of Pandora's box stuffed into an ill-tailored suit, but Graham is still a big believer in the president's supposed religiosity. That is venti-sized faith.

Graham and far too many other evangelicals are convinced God personally endorsed Trump. If God is actively selecting a presidential candidate as His instrument on Earth, why wouldn't He give a second look at Mayor Pete? Unlike Trump, Buttigieg isn't the moral equivalent of a used heroin needle. Graham says "no," on account of gay.

GRAHAM: Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15).

If Jesus is referring to the Ten Commandments, none of them involve homosexuality. Meanwhile, Trump is a known narcissist (number one), builder of graven images (number two), potty mouth (number three), Sunday golfer (number four), disgrace to his parents (number five), frequent adulterer (number seven), bill stiffer (number eight), liar (number nine), and obsessed coveter (number 10). The only one we can't pin on him is the sixth (murder). Even we heathens at Wonkette average a solid five out of 10.

GRAHAM: The Bible makes it very clear that homosexuality is a sin.

Please don't quote that bullshit line from Leviticus. We're begging you. Come up with something original to explain your irrational bigotry.

GRAHAM: "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination..." (Leviticus 20:13). That's what God says and that settles it for me. I stand with the Word of God. I care enough about people to tell them the truth and to warn them about the judgment to come for all sin.

We're sure Buttigieg is moved that Graham "cares enough" to send the very best anti-gay garbage. Weird that none of Trump's Whitman's Sampler of sins rises to the level of an "abomination." Graham conveniently doesn't quote the rest of the verse, which states that whoever is doing the gaying "shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." Who cares if God is basically endorsing the Twinkie defense for the murder of gay people. That's what the misogynist homophobes who wrote the Bible claim God said and that "settles it" for Graham. It is strange, though: Graham thinks it's not respectful for some asshole to heckle Buttigieg, but it's apparently an act of Christian charity to publicly inform Buttigieg that his marriage and very existence are an offense to God and worthy of death.

How evangelical!

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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