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It's a truth universally acknowledged that "law and order" conservatives will turn into common ACLU members whenever a white guy is faced with actual accountability. Head White Man in Charge Donald Trump is staring down the barrel of an impeachment inquiry, so it's only natural that the Fraternal Order of Police would publicly defend his constitutional right to shred the Constitution.

The National FOP released this statement on Tuesday. Please don't try to read while drinking coffee.

That's just precious. First, let's talk about how the police generally treat the "indigent living on the street" or "homeless people," as they're called in non-Victor Hugo fan fiction.

A few years back, Crown Heights, New York, cops beat up a homeless man who was sleeping (with permission) in a synagogue. Miami police arrested a woman last year for "obstructing the sidewalk" with her homelessness. San Francisco police were recently accused of handing out tickets to homeless people "like candy." If the homeless can't pay the fine for their unseemly poverty, they are subject to a bench warrant, which kicks them off the waiting list for a shelter. The cycle just grows more vicious from there.

Homelessness is a complex problem with no easy solutions. I'm sure there are police officers who try to balance the rights of homeless people with the laws that criminalize their existence. But it insults our intelligence and moral sensibilities to compare the least powerful among us to the most powerful man in the world. Trump tried to extort the Ukrainian president so he could gather dirt on his political opponent. He's not the likely subject of a Bob Dylan protest song.


Justice League Vs President Lex www.youtube.com

The National FOP sees Trump as "one of them." The poor, little commander in chief is "convicted in the media and denounced by local elected officials" before the facts are collected. But the very process the FOP denounces is all about gathering facts. That's why it's an impeachment inquiry. Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff aren't leading an armed charge into the White House. At no point is Trump's personal safety in jeopardy. The public might boo him, but he'll survive. America can't have safe spaces for corrupt politicians and police officers who kill unarmed civilians. It should reassure Trump that despite all those "convictions in the media," police officers are rarely convicted in actual courts, where it matters. Few are ever brought to trial.

The statement from National FOP President Patrick Yoes talks a lot about "due process." It's a "fundamental aspect of our nation's justice system" that citizens are considered "innocent until proven guilty." Nothing about the current impeachment process ignores due process. Democrats are following the evidence, which will likely prove Trump guilty. His Republican cronies are free to advocate for his defense. Aside from the obvious bribe, he doesn't even have to pay them.

Trump himself has never respected the due process rights of non-entitled white men. He's suggested to police that they "don't be too nice" when arresting people who are not yet convicted of a crime (as if that was ever a problem).

President Trump: Don't be too nice www.youtube.com

It's hard to believe that all the black people police officers kill within seconds of encountering them were considered "innocent until proven guilty." Trump will have ample opportunity to persuade us that his "perfect" phone call with the Ukrainian president wasn't an impeachable offense. The cop who shot and killed Tamir Rice didn't give the child any time to prove that his "gun" was just a toy. Cleveland Police Patrolman's Association President Steve Loomis blamed Rice for his own lack of due process.

ASSHOLE: Tamir Rice is in the wrong. He's menacing. He's 5-feet-7, 191 pounds. He wasn't that little kid you're seeing in pictures. He's a 12-year-old in an adult body. Tamir looks to his left and sees a police car. He puts his gun in his waistband. Those people — 99 percent of the time those people run away from us. We don't want him running into the rec center. That could be a whole other set of really bad events. They're trying to flush him into the field. Frank [the driver] is expecting the kid to run. The circumstances are so fluid and unique.

The guy with the gun is not running. He's walking toward us. He's squaring off with Cleveland police and he has a gun. Loehmann is thinking, 'Oh my God, he's pulling it out of his waistband.'"

Even in death, Rice is not afforded any innocence. He's convicted and executed as an adult thug with murderous intent without a trial. No matter how real shit gets for Trump during this impeachment inquiry, he'll never lose his humanity. Even if the police have to forcibly remove Trump from office, no officer is going to gun him down because he made a sudden move. They'll probably even stop at a local McDonald's so he can enjoy one last hamberder.

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle.

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