Freedom Caucus Cockblocks TrumpCare! Wonkagenda For Fri., March 24, 2016
Morning Wonketariat, let's get to it! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
- Trump is DEMANDING the House vote today on the TrumpCare/RyanCare bill that nobody wants, and it's likely headed for failure, just like Trump Airlines, Trump Steaks, Trump University, Donald Trump Jr....
- Let's take a moment to remember that the GOP had seven years to come up with a plan, but all they have is sketchy talking points and a toxic tax cut for the super-rich, according to the new Congressional Budget Office report.
- Now that Rex Tillerson has arisen from hibernation, and details on new regulations for visa applicants from
Muslim-lookingpeople from the Middle East and Africa include (no joke) seeing if you checked-in on social media from areas with "radical Islamic terrorism."
- Republicans in the Senate voted to kill Internet privacy regulations enacted by Obama which would let ISPs sell your browsing history to advertisers in an effort to "stop hurting job creators," from telling you about all the hot, sexy singles in your area.
- The RNC paid a firm run by ex-CIA suits and an ex-KGB agent for its own DOSSIERS on Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Foundation, but they still couldn't find any Benghazi email bombs.
- Devin Nunes went on Hannity last night to dig his grave a little deeper saying that he had an "obligation to tell [Trump] as you know he's been taking a lot of heat in the news media," seeing as how the president and his staff are being investigated for colluding with a foreign government during the election.
- Rep. Duncan Hunter is under investigation for campaign finance violations after he ALLEGEDLY spent campaign cash on groceries, trips to the dentist and a nail salon, as well as a hotel in Italy.
- David Friedman was confirmed as the new US ambassador to Israel, which is just great for all the left-leaning Jewish activists he calls "kapos."
- Senators are wondering if whistleblowers will face even more punishments and scrutiny now that the long floppy tentacles of government are being downsized, and department jobs are outsourced.
- Rick Perry is full of anal anger after his alma mater, Texas A&M, elected its first openly gay student body president instead of the spawn of some Texas Trumpkin fundraiser.
- Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke has started "Doggy Days at Interior," most likely in an effort to trick people into thinking he isn't a crooked piece of shit.
- Former Texas Rep. Steve Stockman is accused of stealing close to $800,000 after a staffer ratted his ass out and dished about how they'd bamboozled several charities.
- Gwyneth Paltrow is now selling pills in plastic baggies called "nanospheres," in addition to her vaginal muscle toner.
- The Illinois state legislature introduced a bill to legalize recreational marijuana in an effort to raise revenue since the state hasn't had a budget in two years.
- And here's your late night wrap-up! Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at TrumpCare; Trevor Noah asked how did Republicans fuck themselves so badly; Jimmy Kimmel had some funnies about Trump's inability to get his shit together, and Patton Oswalt performed Mike Huckabee's Twitter jokes; Conan O'Brian listened to Trump's call to Obama about Chancellor Merkel; Colbert summarized the scary conservative wish list for tax cuts and healthcare.
- And here's your morning Nice Time! It's MOAR Fiona, the pre-mature hippo!
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