Jesus Christ playing croquet with the Queen of England, what in the fuck is this bollocks? It seems beautiful man lawyer Michael Avenatti got on his own plane and rode the tailwinds of Air Force One, so he could go bother Donald Trump in London.

But it's OK, because he's not touching Trump, so Trump can't get mad. NOT TOUCHING! CAN'T GET MAD!

You'll be fucking shocked to hear he found a TV camera to seduce with his lips and his eyes during the London protests:

It's not like Avenatti has had anything else going on this week, what with defending Stormy Daniels and telling Shera Bechard's lawyers to eat his toned sex body and defending families at the border and still somehow managing to make it to Lawrence O'Donnell's MSNBC studio every single night to be O'Donnell's "surprise guest." Why not squeeze a quick little jaunt to London into the schedule, just on the off chance Donald Trump, who is pretty clearly afraid of Avenatti, sees him on TV, realizes he's being followed by more than just Russian spies keeping tabs on him for Putin, and gets so scared he does a gold-plated donkey shit in his ill-fitting suit right in front of Queen Elizabeth?

Stay tuned for next week on the Michael Avenatti Show, when he announces he's handling Melania Trump's divorce, but not pro bono, because fuck that. Long as he doesn't run for president (HARD PASS) we're fine with it. Also any activities he'd like to do sans pants, that would be just dandy.

OK it is your open thread because we are tired now, have a good weekend, GOODNIGHT.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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