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Jesus Christ playing croquet with the Queen of England, what in the fuck is this bollocks? It seems beautiful man lawyer Michael Avenatti got on his own plane and rode the tailwinds of Air Force One, so he could go bother Donald Trump in London.

But it's OK, because he's not touching Trump, so Trump can't get mad. NOT TOUCHING! CAN'T GET MAD!

You'll be fucking shocked to hear he found a TV camera to seduce with his lips and his eyes during the London protests:



It's not like Avenatti has had anything else going on this week, what with defending Stormy Daniels and telling Shera Bechard's lawyers to eat his toned sex body and defending families at the border and still somehow managing to make it to Lawrence O'Donnell's MSNBC studio every single night to be O'Donnell's "surprise guest." Why not squeeze a quick little jaunt to London into the schedule, just on the off chance Donald Trump, who is pretty clearly afraid of Avenatti, sees him on TV, realizes he's being followed by more than just Russian spies keeping tabs on him for Putin, and gets so scared he does a gold-plated donkey shit in his ill-fitting suit right in front of Queen Elizabeth?

Stay tuned for next week on the Michael Avenatti Show, when he announces he's handling Melania Trump's divorce, but not pro bono, because fuck that. Long as he doesn't run for president (HARD PASS) we're fine with it. Also any activities he'd like to do sans pants, that would be just dandy.

OK it is your open thread because we are tired now, have a good weekend, GOODNIGHT.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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And now for some news that has nothing to do with Brett Kavanaugh's penis or Donald Trump's penis! The president has committed what may be the biggest of obstruction of justice he has engaged in since he was inaugurated, because despite everything else that's going on, the walls of the Russia investigation continue to close in on him and his family. Therefore, in the name of "transparency," it's time to VERY SELECTIVELY declassify some classified information and harm national security in the process, and all for the sake of giving Fox News and the paste-eating dipshits in the House GOP something to shout about, and to try to protect his stupid ass.

Here's the basic thing he did, and why it's so bad, both for America and also for himself, because he's such a fuckin' idiot. Just as his presidency is falling apart, his SCOTUS nominee is being accused of attempted rape, Paul Manafort is flipping on him, Michael Cohen is talking to Robert Mueller about him, and Michael Flynn is about to be sentenced ... WHEW! ... Trump has issued the following order:

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Ryan Bundy and brothers in front of Nevada Capitol, which looks like the mushroom guy in Mario Kart

Somehow, we'd plum forgotten that Ryan Bundy -- the "Legal Idiot" Sovereign Citizen son of Cliven Bundy and the real philosophical brains behind the Nevada and Oregon High Plains Grifters standoffs with the illegitimate US government -- is running as an independent for governor of Nevada. But then a tweet by Riley Snyder, a reporter for the Nevada Independent, showed off some of the SovCit madness on Bundy's campaign website, and well, hot spit and murderation, we are impressed with the wisdom therein!

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