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HOPE FEDERAL PRISON HAS A GYM, BUTTERCUP.


Hey-o, it is time for our 6 PM dinner hour EXPLOSIVE NEWS ORGASM, and today we have a two-fer! (And maybe a three-fer and a resignation before we've even had a chance to get drunk!) We'll have a full report in the morning on how Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein has appointed former FBI director Robert Mueller as a special prosecutor in the Russia investigation (yay we think!), but at about the same time, the Washington Post dropped another bombshell, with a dateline in KIEV, UKRAINE, and it is that prettyboy asshole Speaker Paul Ryan had a conversation with some of his Congress pals on JUNE 15, 2016, where everybody couldn't stop laughing about how House Majority Leader Rep. Kevin McCarthy said he's pretty sure Donald Trump was on Vladimir Putin's payroll.

LOL! Isn't that a gas? Just a month before Donald Trump won the Republican nomination, and as the WaPo notes, ONE DAY after the news of Russia's DNC hack came out, Republican congressmen were sitting around giggle-jizzing about how maybe Putin was paying Trump to be his orange whore, oh and also Putin might be paying Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher too, who gay loves Russia almost as much as he gay loves the Taliban:

“There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy’s assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

The WaPo notes that just before this little chat session, which was attended by other GOP reps like Steve Scalise, Cathy McMorris Rodgers and Patrick Henry, McCarthy and Ryan had JUST met separately with the prime minister of Ukraine, "who had described a Kremlin tactic of financing populist politicians to undercut Eastern European democratic institutions." Weird, does that even sound familiar? Nope, can't think of a thing.

So anyway, LOL! Oh but wait, was McCarthy, a GIANT TRUMP SUPPORTER (so don't think he was being some kind of whistleblower), laughing right there in that conversation? Was he just being "flip," as bang-up good job-doer Greta Van Susteren concluded with her impressive brain on MSNBC as we typed this? No, let's scroll way down in the WaPo piece, WHICH GRETA CAN READ HER GODDAMN SELF, where they give us a fuller transcript of how the recording goes:

... McCarthy brought the conversation about Russian meddling around to the DNC hack, Trump and Rohrabacher.

“I’ll guarantee you that’s what it is...The Russians hacked the DNC and got the opp [opposition] research that they had on Trump,” McCarthy said with a laugh.

Ryan asked who the Russians “delivered” the opposition research to.

“There’s... there’s two people, I think, Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy said, drawing some laughter. “Swear to God,” McCarthy added.

“This is an off the record,” Ryan said.

Some lawmakers laughed at that.

HA HA! Sounds like McCarthy wasn't laughing and had his serious face on though?

“No leaks, alright?,” Ryan said, adding: “This is how we know we’re a real family here.”

“That’s how you know that we’re tight,” Scalise said.

“What’s said in the family stays in the family,” Ryan added.

Like a bunch of incestuous traitors.

The WaPo notes that at this time in the campaign, Trump had already been whispering sweet nothings in Putin's direction in a policy way, Paul Manafort and all his creepy Russo-Ukrainian connections were running the Trump campaign, and Hillary Clinton was already saying things like, "If Donald gets his way, they’ll be celebrating in the Kremlin." You know, just for a little context.

The response from Ryan and McCarthy? DENY:

When initially asked to comment on the exchange, Brendan Buck, a spokesman for Ryan, said: “That never happened,” and Matt Sparks, a spokesman for McCarthy, said: “The idea that McCarthy would assert this is absurd and false.”

LIES LIES LIES!

The response from Ryan and McCarthy when WaPo said YOU DUMB SLUTS MUST BE IGNORANT IF YOU THINK WE'RE NOT LISTENING TO THE TAPE RIGHT NOW?

Buck, speaking for the GOP House leadership, said: “This entire year-old exchange was clearly an attempt at humor. No one believed the majority leader was seriously asserting that Donald Trump or any of our members were being paid by the Russians. What’s more, the speaker and leadership team have repeatedly spoken out against Russia’s interference in our election, and the House continues to investigate that activity.”

“This was a failed attempt at humor,” Sparks said.

HA HA!

Hey, guess who else was at the meeting? It was Evan McMullin, that nice Mormon man who is ALLLLLL OVER investigating Trump's Russian collusion, who ran for preznit as an independent in 2016, and who at the time was the policy director for the House Republican Conference. Let's see if he remembers giggling along:

“It’s true that Majority Leader McCarthy said that he thought candidate Trump was on the Kremlin’s payroll. Speaker Ryan was concerned about that leaking.”

HA HA! Oh wait, Evan McMullin, who also used to be a super cool CIA spy Mormon, doesn't seem to be laughing.

Well well well. How far down in the line of succession are we now before we get to somebody who doesn't have Russian pee hooker all over them? Orrin Hatch? Yes, that is where we are.

We wish Robert Mueller much luck in his new special prosecutor position, determining all the very good and true reasons all these assholes should GO THE FUCK TO JAIL.

Wonkette is really getting tired of these 6 PM news dumps. If you feel sympathy, plz click below, to give us dollars.

[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

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SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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