Fundie-Scarin' Funtimes: Satanic Temple Rolls Out 'After School Satan Clubs' Just In Time For Fall!
Our favorite Establishment Clause trolls, the funtimes hellraisers of the Satanic Temple, have announced an exciting new program for the 2016-17 school year: After School Satan Clubs, where your little Damien or Lilith can proudly learn all about rationalism and the separation of church and state, in full equality with the after school Christian clubs which fundagelicals have been establishing in schools since a 2001 Supreme Court decision held that schools must allow religious clubs to meet on school grounds. So if Christian clubs can meet, you bet your sweet ass the Satanic Temple is going to insist on equal time! Or as the "Educatin' With Satan" FAQ Six-six-sixsplains:
Is Satanism in schools legal?
Yes. The Supreme Court ruled in 2001 in the case of Good News Club v. Milford Central School that schools operate a “limited public forum” and that, as such, they may not discriminate against religious speech should a religious organization choose to operate an After School Club on their premises. Christian evangelicals -- particularly the Child Evangelism Fellowship -- have taken advantage of this ruling ever since. As it is illegal for the schools to discriminate against specific religions or preference others, After School Satan Clubs cannot be denied wherever Christian, or any other religious clubs, operate.
You bet your sweet cloven hooves they've got lawyers, too! Since evangelicals, especially the legal activist group the Liberty Counsel, are doing their damnedest to get religion into the public schools, then by Crom, the Satanic Temple isn't about to have its rationalist viewpoint left out. Kids attending the clubs won't be casting any hexes (that's witchcraft, which is totally different!) or sacrificing babies to the Dark Lord; instead, they'll be introduced to a "uniform syllabus that emphasizes a scientific, rationalist, non-superstitious world view," which probably means they'll do better in school than the little snots singing about Noah and the arky-arky, too. Looky! They even have a cool video with cornball demonic effects!
School districts across the nation are now receiving letters from The Satanic Temple explaining that we will be offering our clubs in their schools this coming school year, and parents in those schools can expect to be presented with a permission slip from their children in the first weeks of the Fall semester. All of the districts we’ve approached are nearby to local chapters of The Satanic Temple, and each school district has hosted, or is now hosting, Good News Clubs in their schools. This being the case, we are sure that the school districts we’ve approached are well aware that they are not at liberty to deny us use of their facilities, nor are they at liberty to deny us any level of representation in the schools that they afford to other school clubs -- such as fliers, tables, brochures, and school-wide announcements. We would like to thank the Liberty Counsel, specifically, for opening the doors of public schools to the After School Satan Club through their dedication to religious liberty. [...]
It’s important that children be given an opportunity to realize that the religious materials now creeping into their schools are representative of but one religious opinion amongst many. While the Good News Clubs focus on indoctrination of children by way of evangelism, instilling them with a fear of Hell and God’s wrath, After School Satan Clubs will focus on free inquiry and rationalism, the scientific basis for which we know what we know about the world around us. We prefer to give children an appreciation of the natural wonders surrounding them, not a fear of everlasting other-worldly horrors.
[wonkbar][/wonkbar]Sounds like good, rational fun! And they'll have coloring books, too! We can hardly wait to hear the screaming from outraged parents who think their schools are being taken over by some weirdo religious freaks who have no business messing with public education. And the very minute the Jebus-in-the-sky clubs fold, so will the After School Satan Clubs.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.