Funny Tweets About Office Party Fails! Tabs, Fri., Dec. 3, 2021
Miss me fuckers? Shut up yes you did well guess what, I WAS ACTUALLY HERE THE WHOLE TIME, I just wasn't doing tabs at ya because I was supposed to be off for "shareholders meeting" (it's required by Montana state law!), but then we got home too late from Oklahoma/Santa Fe/Denver/Jackson to go anywhere else so I decided to come to work anyway and I STILL haven't finished your merches, I'm eight months behind on written thank you notes for when you send me money in the US mail, and I haven't gone through my pretty basket of "pay your medical bills and also probably the garbage" for two months now, which I still didn't do either.
But I got you some tabs!
Trump hearing this morning on why he was acting in his presidential capacity when he called E Jean Carroll a too-ugly-to-rape liar. (E Jean)
Liz already wrote us up this Jeffrey Clark 1/6 Committee deposition, but did you know that some of you don't even read every single post??? Anyway, it's real and it's spectacular. (House.gov / dude's hilarious letter)
Guess who just got their booster shots, surprise it is me and Shy presumably since I am writing this before we drive to our 7 p.m. appointments 70 miles away! Here's a well-told story of an athlete who fought and fought with his nice family and did not get his shots, and he died. — The Guardian
Judd Legum is in the inflation video splainer business now.
Companies need to rein in their profits and start to make up for the erosion of worker pay says ... Morgan Stanley??? Morgan Stanley!!! — Business Insider
The children who were murdered at school in Michigan this week. They seem like really nice kids. (Freep)
I don't know, if my daughter were being arraigned for MURDERING HER CLASSMATES WITH THE GUN I BOUGHT HER, I'd probably take my ball cap off. I'm a cuck who shows respect to the court and also fellow humans like that.
These people fucking infuriate me. DON'T GIVE YOUR KID A FUCKING GUN. (Daily Beast)
This woman in her American flag heart T-shirt is in jail just because she pointed a gun at another woman and her baby for parking in what she perceived to be her H-E-B parking spot? Surely that's not illegal in Texas! — My San Antonio / Reddit
The Mystery Of Was Alec Baldwin's Finger Even In The Trigger ... Lock? And Can Guns Do That By Themselves Maybe It Was A Ghost. (ABC News)
Teacher brings loaded gun on campus. Teacher says it's okay because he's a reserve officer. Teacher is detained, yelled at, sues school for being mean to his conservative political beliefs and giving him sads. Teacher gets ass handed to him by mean judge. Fuck teacher.
The case was predicated on Nguyen’s claims that he was detained unlawfully and “berated” by school officials because of his conservative, political beliefs. He was placed on administrative leave. A group of parents and residents supported the science teacher at a rally in May 2019.
Fuck that group of parents too. — Orange County Register
Archaeologists who are good at their jobs. — NPR
This is a real pretty sink. (Sink)
And then the Love & Murders began. — Liquor
I stopped eating octopus a while ago, which is sad because they are Delicious. Anyway, UK rules they're "sentient." (Futurism)
Our friends at Penzeys want to give you a hug. (This is not a paid promotion, I just love them and they love us.)
This is not a paid promotion either, except that if you order wine through this link, I get free wine, so that is like a paid promotion, via wine. — Naked Wines
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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.