GAME CHANGER: Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp Just Found Out Coronavirus, Like, Real Contagious, Y'all

Well by God, sounds like a couple of southern GOP governors found Christ yesterday. Mississippi Governor Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater, after struggling mightily with the issue, waited until the very last minute possible and handed down a statewide stay-at-home order. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis did the same, finally, because Donald Trump gave him the order, finally, as he runs the state where the coronavirus pandemic is in the process of exploding (the current confirmed cases are 7,773). Don't worry, DeSantis made an exemption allowing Floridians to get coronavirus at church, as is their religious freedom. Texas Governor Greg Abbott made the same exemption.

(And some Democratic governors have done so too, though each state's framework is different. Some of those Democratic governors went early, though, and might want to think about amending their orders. The cool thing about God is that you don't have to go to church to see Him, as He is always riding on your back, according to the famous "Footprints" poem, isn't that the coolest thing ABOUT GOD?)

Georgia GOP Governor Brian Kemp has found Jesus as well, in a state where the number of confirmed cases is set to cross 5,000, over 150 have already died, and outbreaks are happening all over, especially in rural areas. As the Atlanta Journal-Constitutionreports, those numbers are way behind the real numbers, and they're not just talking about how America's testing regime is a fucking joke and nobody knows how many millions of people have been exposed at this point.

What changed Kemp's mind? Oh, well, what happened was, it was the darnedest thing, but there was a GAME CHANGER! If you live in Georgia, you are going to be so glad Kemp almost certainly stole that election from Stacey Abrams when he was the secretary of state overseeing his own gubernatorial election, because would Stacey Abrams even have known what to do with this GAME CHANGER?

Kemp explained during a press conference on Wednesday announcing his stay-at-home order:

KEMP: Um, you know I think is the reason I'm takin' this action, just like I've continued to tell people, I'm followin' the data, I'm followin' the advice of Dr. [Kathleen] Toomey, uh, her and I both mentioned in our remarks, um, you know, findin' out that this virus is now transmitting before people see signs, so the, what we've been tellin' people, from directives from the CDC for weeks now, that if you start feeling bad, stay home, those individuals could've been infecting people before they ever felt bad.

Well, we didn't know that until the last 24 hours, and as Dr. Toomey told me, she goes, "This is a GAME CHANGER for us."

Emphasis ours because oh my God.

He learned that, on Tuesday! Brian Kemp just learned — on Tuesday! — that asymptomatic people can give people coronavirus! This is a thing he found out — on Tuesday! 'Cause he's just followin' the science! And it was a GAME CHANGER.

Pop quiz, what day did you learn that asymptomatic people can transmit the novel coronavirus? Was it on Tuesday? If so, get the hell out of this blog post.

There is slow on the uptake, and then there is slow on the uptake. We don't know about you, but one of the first things we feel like we learned about COVID-19 is that asymptomatic people spread the disease, and by "first things," we mean back when it was just in China. Maybe those spring breakers drunk on the beach in Florida did not get that memo until far too late. Was Brian Kemp one of those spring breakers? Because if he missed this vital piece of information literally everyone else has known about coronavirus for weeks and weeks because he was busy playing beer pong, we feel like Georgia voters deserve to know that.

And did Kemp's expert Dr. Toomey really not know that? Because known and respected medical journal "Wonkette" could have told her that. Somehow we do not believe Dr. Toomey, a doctor, did not know that.

Like — that's the WHOLE FUCKIN' REASON for the original 14- and 15-day measures of social distancing/staying at home to contain the virus. Because we knew that it could incubate there in your body for days upon days upon days, and you might only show symptoms 11 days in, if at all.


Maybe Brian Kemp is just lying, like Republicans so often do. Or maybe he is really this stupid, as Republicans often are. Or maybe it is both, as is so often the case.

We don't know what else to say about this besides swear-talkin' words so this post is over.

[Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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