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Game Faces, People: It's Time To Send Mitt Romney Birthday Messages

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After a weekend spend conducting thorough state-of-the-art forensic tests at a Defense Dept. tech lab deep under the Catoctin mountains -- it's so cool that we're not even allowed to tell anyone it exists! -- your Wonkette has confirmed that this isnot an feverish projection of our desires, but an actual email that arrived in our inbox:


Write a message to Mitt and help me wish him a happy birthday:

http://www.mittromney.com/forms/happy-birthday-mitt

Thanks so much!

Ann Romney

You're welcome! *Cracks knuckles*

Ehhh... pedestrian warblogging, at best. We couldn't handle the pressure.

Can you, reader?

MUSH, MUSH!

[Mittens]

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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