Hey, all you third party potheads who just CAN'T bring yourself to vote for either candidate, because they're all the SAAAAAAAAAAAAAME, we have a pop quiz for you.

What's this?

What about this guy, out in the middle of "blue stuff"?

How about this jumble-o-crazy with a buncha words written on it?

If you answered China, Australia and the Arabian Peninsula, congratulations, you know how to read maps, especially when they have the countries labeled! You also may or may not have just done better on this pop quiz than your Libertarian God-King of a fucking dumbass presidential candidate, Gary Johnson, who just said this to Alan Greenspan's wife on MSNBC:

You know, when it comes to talking about a foreign leader that you respect, that you admire, I have a hard time with that one! Um, that's politics! That's just who I am! So now I'm gonna have to pick out a world leader and there's gonna be something that's wrong with them, and now I'm gonna have to defend them, well maybe I think too much.

DO YOU? We guess "ALL OF THEM, KATIE" is no longer an acceptable answer when confronted with gotcha questions from journalists, but we already covered Johnson's rampant dipshittery on that question right here.

Moving on:

Yeah, and you know what? And the fact that somebody can dot the 'I's and cross the 'T's on a foreign leader or a geographic location, then allows them to put our military in harm's way. You're talkin' about PTSD earlier. We put our military in this horrible situation where we go in and support regime change, they get involved in civil wars where hundreds of thousands of innocent people are in a crossfire. We're literally shooting at ourselves because we support both sides of a conflict, Syria as an example ...

Where is that again, Gary?

... and we wonder why our men and servicewomen suffer from PSD in the first place!

PS-what, Gary?

It's because we elect people who can dot the 'I's and cross the 'T's on these names and geographic locations, as opposed to the underlying philosophy, which is let's stop getting involved in these regime changes!

Dotting 'I's and crossing 'T's is a slippery slope to learning to read, which is a gateway drug to learning things, which is a known risk factor for figuring out how to read a map, which is the leading cause of DEATH, HE SAYS, DEATH! And also "PSD."

Of course, we could note that it's doubtful George W. Bush is that good at any of that shit, but that would be a really good joke for Wonkette circa 2006, which is not what we are doing right now.

We could note a lot of things. We could wonder aloud whether Gary Johnson REALLY stopped Poking Smot when he decided to "run for preznit," as he explained back in June:

"I haven't had a drink of alcohol in 29 years because of rock climbing and the notion of being the best that you can be, and in that same vein I've stopped using marijuana of any kind."

For how long?

"It's been about seven weeks," he says, a decision to abstain that he would continue as president, if elected. "I want to be completely on top of my game, all cylinders."

Hoo boy, if this is "top of my game" and "all cylinders," we'd hate to see him fucked up.

In a new national CNN/ORC poll, this dude has the support of 7% of American voters, probably because Trump and Hillary are just the saaaaaaaaaaame!

When it comes to Knowing Things, we're pretty sure who Gary Johnson is "just the same as," and it's not Hillary. (PUNCHLINE: Gary Johnson is the same as Trump and Jill Stein, they are all idiots, PUT DOWN THE BONG AND GO VOTE FOR HILLARY LIKE A SMART PERSON, THANK YOU AND GOODBYE.)


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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