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Do you see these pretty ladies kissing, on the grave of Fred Phelps's mom? Well, BOOM! Now she is gay, in the afterlife.


It is true, according to the Satanic Temple, and if you can't believe the Satanic Temple, who can you believe? But is there more? Yes, there is more!

In addition to now being gay for eternity, Fred Phelps's mom now receives "female pleasure" every time you same-sex it up, on her grave.

Let us let the Satanists explain it, in their helpful Splainer "How To Perform Your Own Pink Mass":

Catherine Idalette Johnston is buried in Magnolia Cemetery, Meridian, MS. [section 11] Other same sex couples are invited to respectfully and tastefully express their mutual affection at Ms. Johnston’s gravesite. After a Pink Mass has been performed, every time a same sex couple kisses over the gravesite, the now-gay deceased is said to be pleasured in the afterlife.

Send your photos to info@thesatanictemple.com.

In addition to turning Fred Phelps's mom gay, just like LDS baptized Barack Obama's mom Mormon, post-mortem, the Satanists are performing other acts of civic responsibility as well! For instance, they are trying to clean up New York's disgusting highways as part of the "Adopt New York's Disgusting Highways" program, and they could use your help. So send the Satanists all your bones, for gayness, and the environment, today!

[Westboro-Baptist, via Wonkette operative "Dan"]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Oh hi! Michael Cohen is going to jail, because he is guilty! Just like Paul Manafort is guilty and GO THE FUCK TO JAIL! WHERE HE ALREADY WAS! (Read up on that here!) And all this news came out in the same hour, somehow, because we live in the dumbest fucking episode of "Law & Order" Dick Wolf ever threw on the cutting room floor, on account of how it was too stupid for words.

However, Cohen avoided a big nasty trial (or series of trials, like Manafort opted for) by just cold pleading guilty to a buncha fuckin' crimes, like a crimer who does a buncha fuckin' crimes all the time. And he implicated Donald Trump in a couple of them!

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HOLY FUCK this afternoon! Michael Cohen just finished a hearing in a New York courtroom where he said, "DURRRR I AM SO GUILTY," but this post is not about that. This post is about how Paul Manafort verdict has just come out! He has been found guilty on eight of the 18 charges he faced in the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA). The jury is hopelessly deadlocked on the other 10, and so a mistrial will be declared on those and Paul Manafort may get to be retried on them, in addition to his next trial over conspiracies against the United States and witness tampering, which starts next month in Washington DC. Maybe the government will decide Manafort is going to die in jail anyway, and play hooky from retrying those other counts. They probably need a vacay, don't you think?

Trump really does hire the best people!

NBC News's Ken Dilanian broke the news that Manafort has been convicted on five counts of tax fraud, one count of failing to report a foreign bank account on an IRS form, and two charges of bank fraud. The short version of that is that he is guilty of EIGHT FEDERAL FELONIES (so far) and he is going to jail for EIGHT MILLION YEARS for each count. (OK, that is probably not completely accurate. But still, welcome to prison, Paul Manafort!)

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