Gays Take Minnesota, Gain Crucial Ground In Global War On Marriage
You guys, it has been a banner fucking month to be a homosexual type person. Thus far in the merry merry month of May we've seen Rhode Island and Delaware go gay, but those were tiny states with laughably small land masses. It was time for a big Midwestern kind of state to step up. (Yes, yes, we know you already did it, Iowa. But you did it without the drama and grandstanding of legislative debates so too bad.) Minnesota,let's do the damn thing:
The Minnesota Senate Monday voted to legalize same-sex marriage, sending the measure to Gov. Mark Dayton, who plans to sign it into law in a ceremony Tuesday evening.
The Senate's 37-30 vote came three days after the House also approved the legislation allowing same-sex couples to be legally married in the state.
True fact: this particular segment of yr Wonkette is a ghey lesbian Minnesotan and we vaguely promised the Editrix we'd blog about this as it happened but...best-laid plans, mice, men, liquor. We did, however, watch the entirety of the Senate debate at ye olde local ghey watering hole, and we believe we can recall enough to recap it here:
Republicans: God doesn't want this because hellfire brimstone something something blah blah.
Democrats: God totally wants this because love love something something blah blah.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat for approximately 4 hours.
Republicans also displayed a newfound fixation regarding the very special rights of wedding florists. In Minnesota, apparently (WHO KNEW?) every last available florist hates the gheys and does not wish to arrange their gay gay flowers and only wants to make Christian floral arrangements in the shape of masculine Caucasian Jesus. Why florists? In case your angry aunt didn't send you a newspaper clipping: yes indeedy Washington state is suing a florist for not providing flowers for a gay wedding. Your aunt DEFINITELY sent that clipping to every Republican in the Minnesota Senate, which required long-suffering Democrats to patiently explain that refusing to serve the gays because of gayness was already illegal under Minnesota's Human Rights Act. But facts, as Saint Ronnie once told us, are stupid things.
Don't fret, Wonkisotans. We reserved some ire for the banal repetitiveness of Democrats as well. Did you know that literally every last Democratic senator in the Minnesota Legislature lives down the street from a gay couple and they are quite nice, thank you very much, so they are voting yay for marriage so that Mary and Eve or Adam and Steve or River and Joaquin or whoever can get married too? YOU KNOW NOW! One Republican tried an interesting variation on this, explaining how Joe and Joey lived down the street from him and kept their lawn quite nicely and therefore he couldn't say how he would vote and it would be a surprise and SURPRISE he voted against marriage. Apparently Joe and Joey need a new landscape architect because clearly their lawn just wasn't quite nice enough. (NO REALLY WE ARE NOT MAKING UP THE PART ABOUT THE LAWN OR EVEN THE PART ABOUT VOTING NO AFTER THE LAWN-LOVING.)
Gotta run. Time for us to go forcibly gay-marry the Editrix, Dok, Gary, Kaili, Alex, Kid Zoom, Jesse, Kristina, Wonkette Jr., anyone else we might have missed, and a lovely little end table we just found. Hope you enjoyed your society, straight people!