George Bush To Deliver Address From St. Paul's Famous Jail

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We ran into YOUR president, George W. Bush, on the streets of St. Paul. He's been arrested oh no! This is why he can't appear in person to deliver his address -- he'll be getting bondage-whipped by this pink sexbot cop on the shores of the Mississippi riverfor the rest of his term. Also, we've gone through the official schedule of the night's events and, shortly after 9:00 ET, there will be a video tribute to George "H." W. Bush, the Yankee plutocrat everyone pretends to like these days. This comes right after the video tribute to Abraham Lincoln, whose presidency failed due to his lack of previous experience. *Just saying.* Also MICHELE BACHMANN is speaking within the hour. Tee hee!

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