George Conway Twitter

Far be it from us to comment on other people's marriages, but ... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AT THE CONWAY HOUSE? Kellyanne's husband is wildin' out on Twitter like a guy who took one too many muscle relaxers to unkink his neck after sleeping on the couch for three months. ALLEGEDLY.

He's diagnosing Trump with Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

Factcheck: TRUE. (You know, allegedly.)

Sticking with the medical theme, George Conway has pronounced Trump a cancer on the presidency.

Factcheck: RIGHT AGAIN. (Not allegedly!)

He's debunked Lindsey Graham's word vomit about Trump lacking intent to commit a crime, since he wrote a check to Michael Cohen for the illegal campaign finance payoff to Stormy Daniels.

But see: Trump's rousing performance on Hannity last night where he insisted he never knew about the payoff he was reimbursing Cohen for with those checks. CHECK MATE ... or something.

George is RTing Dan Drezner when he calls Trump an absolute idiot. George is RTing Popehat advising Trump to plead the Fifth. George is RTing Mimi Rocah describing the pornstar payoffs a fraudulent scheme showing knowledge of guilt.

Then George gets tired and RTs pictures of dogs.

After that, Conway got right back to quoting Susan Hennessey saying, "If Kushner hasn't resigned by the time we wake up tomorrow, it is a sign that the basic checks of government have ceased to function." Meanwhile, his lovely wife Kellyanne is insisting that granting the presidential princeling son-in-law security clearance over the objections of the CIA and White House counsel is good, just and most importantly, LEGAL.

George attacks Trump's National Emergy as flagrantly illegal, while Kellyanne defends Trump's "absolute right" to steal money from the Defense Department and opioid addiction prevention to stop an imaginary horde of diseased Mexican zombies storming the border.

George is horrified that Trump would defend North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, whose regime arrested a healthy college student and tortured him until his brain shut down, finally sending him home in a vegetative coma to die.

Kellyanne scolds Otto Warmbier's parents for their lack of gratitude to the Dear Leaders who shipped his body home so his parents could have the honor of taking him off life support.

Because Kellyanne is a FUCKING GHOUL.

Hey, remember that time Kellyanne was giving an interview to the Post and forgot she was on the record shit-talking her husband and his tweets?

REPORTER: You told me you found [George's tweets] disrespectful.

KAC: It is disrespectful, it's a violation of basic decency, certainly, if not marital vows . . . as "a person familiar with their relationship."

REPORTER: No, we're on the record here. You can't say after the fact "as someone familiar."

KAC: I told you everything about his tweets was off the record.

REPORTER: No, that's not true. That never happened.

KAC: Well, people do see it this way. People do see it that way, I don't say I do, but people see it that way.

REPORTER: But I'm saying we never discussed everything about his tweets being off the record. There are certain things you said that I put off the record.

KAC: Fine. I've never actually said what I think about it and I won't say what I think about it, which tells you what I think about it.

Paging Esther Perel ...

Like we said, talking about other people's marriages is tacky and gross. So we're not going to say what we think about it, which tells you what we think about it. All we're saying is that "people familiar with their relationship" are suggesting that George should take the kids and the dogs and GTFO! Yes, many people are saying it. You're hearing it more and more lately.


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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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