​George Santos Admits He 'Embellished' Few Million Things, Can He Go Congress Now?
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In Wonkette's last update on George Santos he was getting caught in more lies. Who is George Santos? Dunno! Does George Santos know who George Santos is? We dunno! He gay? Yeah, why not! He lie about his business and his college and his charity with the puppies and kittens? Maybe!

Is his name even George?

Was he ever born?

Does he even exist?

Is the real treasure of George Santos's lies the George Santos-es we met along the way?

He said he was going to address the controversies this week, and he appears to have started doing that in an interview with the New York Post where he admitted some things.

“My sins here are embellishing my resume. I’m sorry,” Santos said on Monday.

He just embellished!

Santos confessed he had “never worked directly” for Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, chalking that fib up to a “poor choice of words.”

He just worded it poorly, that's all. Who among us hasn't accidentally given the impression we worked at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup when what we meant was something entirely different?

He worked at a company called Link Bridge. He says it did business with Goldman and Citi.

“I will be clearer about that. It was stated poorly,” Santos said of the lie.

Next time he will do better by using entirely different words, OK?

Also our George must confess that when he said he graduated from Baruch College in 2010, what he meant to say was that he did not graduate from any college in any year. This was another of his "embellishments."

“I didn’t graduate from any institution of higher learning. I’m embarrassed and sorry for having embellished my resume,” he said. “I own up to that … We do stupid things in life.”

Doy doy doy doy doy.

And when he said he had a Jewish mother and that his grandparents were survivors of the Nazi regime, what he meant to say was:

Santos now says that he’s “clearly Catholic,” but claimed his grandmother told stories about being Jewish and later converting to Catholicism.

“I never claimed to be Jewish,” Santos said. “I am Catholic. Because I learned my maternal family had a Jewish background I said I was `Jew-ish.'”

He didn't mean he was Jewish, he meant he was Jew-ish. Just like he meant he was college-ish and Goldman Sachs-ish.

Also he says yeah he was married to a woman but he's fuckin' gay, OK? And he's married to a guy now, OK?

Peens? He's had a few! But then again, too few to mention. He did what he had to do.

(Daily Beast couldn't find a record of his gay marriage.)

“I dated women in the past. I married a woman. It’s personal stuff,” Santos said, adding that the relationship “got a little toxic.”

“I’m very much gay,” he says now. “I’m OK with my sexuality. People change. I’m one of those people who change.”

Oh fuck off.

George Santos also lied embellished about owning 13 properties (he owns none but he's in the market!), but says he is NOT a Brazilian criminal or an American criminal or any other kind of criminal.

“I am not a criminal,” Santos said at one point during his exclusive interview. “This [controversy] will not deter me from having good legislative success. I will be effective. I will be good.”

Of course the New York Times would like to remind us:

The Times [...] uncovered Brazilian court records showing that Mr. Santos had been charged with fraud as a young man after he was caught writing checks with a stolen checkbook.

In the court file, Mr. Santos is identified by his full name and date of birth, as well as by the names of his mother and father. The documents show that Mr. Santos confessed to the crime and was charged, but that the case remains unresolved because authorities were later unable to locate him.

Huh. Well we are sure it's just an innocent misunderstanding.

Brazilian criminal ... ish?

The Times also had this reaction to the Post interview:

Mr. Santos acknowledged that a string of financial difficulties had left him owing thousands to landlords and creditors. But he failed to fully explain in the interviews how his fortunes reversed so significantly that, by 2022, he was able to lend $700,000 to his congressional campaign.


Now can we forget about all this so George Santos can go do Congress stuff like big boy? He's gonna be GREAT at it!

[New York Post / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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