When a famous person comes into your restaurant and turns out to be a great customer, there are many things you should do as a server. Treat them like you would anyone else, give them good service, don't bring up their potential war crimes (this is considered afaux pas). One thing best avoided, however, is taking to Twitter after they leave to say they did 9/11.


One server was apparently not cc'd on this basic etiquette memo. Former President George W. Bush and former First Lady Laura Bush were customers at the unidentified restaurant where a server named Leisa works, ordering a meal of burgers and fries that totaled $21.47. They were apparently very nice customers who gladly posed for a picture with Leisa (see above), then left her a tip of $40. That is a good-ass tip!

Leisa's response, however, was to issue a tweet that was the opposite of good:

Unless you are Pete Carroll, you know full well by now that for all his myriad flaws and eensy bitty war crimes (we'll get there), George W. Bush did not commit 9/11. It is a thoroughly debunked conspiracy theory that should be consigned to the same cold, lonely pit as chemtrails, anti-vaxxers, and the belief that GMOs are inherently dangerous.

Leisa, for her part, is claiming it was a joke:

"I actually completely respect Bush and I don't think he actually 'did 9/11,'" Leisa said. "It was just a little tip at the huge joke that everyone says, and I didn't expect anyone to see the tweet except my 200 followers at the time."

So, couple things here:

  1. Do you not understand how Twitter works?
  2. No one says that joke any more, Leisa.
  3. Why the fuck do you respect Bush?!

That third one is important here! We mean, OK, we do have to admit we respect him as a restaurant customer now, because apparently he's a really good one. Props there. That's not actually that unusual -- rich people are frequently both exceptional restaurant customers and terrible human beings -- but it's still worth recognizing. W also did good things involving the AIDS epidemic in Africa. Those two statements, however, officially exhaust the entire list of nice things to say about George W. Bush, and neither is enough to tip things towards respect against the balance of the massive pile of horror shlumped on the opposite end of the seesaw.

If Leisa really wanted to make some Bush tweets, we have some better ideas for her:

  • "Bush lied about WMDs and drove us into an unnecessary, costly, disastrous war, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush is culpable in the rise of ISIS, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush drove our entire economy into a fucking ditch while playing 'Eastbound and Down' on the radio and shouting 'Yee-haw!' but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush appointed two magnificent asshats as SCOTUS justices who have repeatedly tried to break American democracy and the Voting Rights Act, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush violated the Geneva Conventions and was complicit in the widespread and contemptible use of torture by US forces, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush is responsible for us knowing who Karl Rove is, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush set new standards for Presidential incompetence in responding to a natural disaster and basically let a city drown, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush spent like half his goddamned Presidency on vacation, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."
  • "Bush is unquestionably one of the five worst Presidents in American history, but he did me a solid and left me a hella tip."

Our point is, she's not starved for material here. Still, though, even if Bush IS a war criminal (and he is), if he's tipping Leisa or any other server 200%, they should probably not tweet anything other than maybe "the former President came in and tipped me really well."

[GrubStreet]

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