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George Washington Is A Terrible Coward

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Any Commander of the Continental Army worth his salt should know that you can't go about Warring if one side moderates allBlogspot comments, on the Internet, approving nothing. Each side must stand in a line and shoot at the other line -- with Dignity -- until enough people are dead.


Apparently for Wingnut George Washington, however, "Dignity" means flipping on the auto-reply feature: "Thank you for writing. I am currently away and am not checking my email. I will respond to your email as soon as I return. Please call if your question needs more timely reply."

We have a feeling that this "call" would somehow land us on Comcast customer service hold, so, uhh... ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS BETTER, the end.

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If there is one thing that decrepit "rocker" Ted Nugent hates, it is gun-free zones. Over the years, he has insisted that they are very dangerous and pretty much the number one cause of mass shootings. They caused Columbine and mean "more body bags" and "more crime" and even "workplace violence"! They are "killing fields"! THEY ARE ALL THE BAD THINGS!

You see where we're going with this right?

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Oh hey, Maria Butina the Russian spy lady, you are still in jail!

Butina, who was arrested Sunday for being a Russian spy who infiltrated the NRA in order to infiltrate the GOP for her motherland, is supposed to appear in court this afternoon, and in advance of that, prosecutors have filed a really fun motion listing all the reasons Butina should be required to STAY IN JAIL until her trial, at which point she will be found guilty as a common Paul Manafort and have to go to so much more jail. In short, it is because she is a major flight risk, but the document is a much better read than that, and it has boning. Shall we give it a look?

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