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Georgia Gov. Candidate Produces 'Citizen Kane'-esque Technical Breakthrough Of Our Time

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A Republican candidate for Georgia governor in 2010, John Oxendine,e-mailed political reporters about some epic YouPorn thing he had just shot, one that would destroy the Democratic candidate, former governor Roy Barnes, politically: "A campaign spokesman said the ad 'demonstrates John Oxendine’s commitment to using innovative, cutting-edge genre to communicate serious messages in creative mediums." He would reveal this monumental achievement at an event later Thursday night, according to the press release, "at an undisclosed laser-tag facility ... closed to the public. After viewing the commercial, the volunteers will enjoy pizza and laser-tag." Oh, we're so making you click the clicky for this one...


HAHAHAHAH. Well we could dissect this, or we could use the time to back up this video, because at some point today, someone in John Oxendine's campaign will realize, "Oh wait... Wait. Shit. We actually made this thing and invited people to watch it. That was a thing that we did. Wow. We really just should have done the opposite of that."

(Also, does anyone notice a disconnect between the narration and the events depicted from 1:43 to 1:52? Or from 0:00 to 3:52?)

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Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

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Alex Díaz de la Portilla on Facebook

Alex Díaz de la Portilla, former Florida Republican state senator, is in hot water over a leaked WhatsApp chat log that appears to show campaign workers chatting about destroying or disappearing absentee ballots filled out for the candidate's opponent in the nonpartisan county election, according to the Miami New Times. Díaz de la Portilla ultimately came in third in the May 2018 special election for a seat on the Miami-Dade County Commission, so even if some of his people did deep-six some ballots, it didn't apparently help him. Clearly, these pikers could have learned a lot from the experts in North Carolina about electoral fuckery.

Still, you have to appreciate just how brilliantly Díaz de la Portilla plays the role of a local pol accused of just a teensy bit of ratfucking.

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