Geraldo Rivera Wants To Heal The Country, Trump's Ego, By Naming Covid Vaccine After Him


Geraldo Rivera, who is looking more and more like the Purple Pieman from Strawberry Shortcake every day, has an idea for how to heal our divided nation. Is it by establishing Single Payer Medicare for All? No, that is too literal. He wants us to remain sick (or poor, your choice!), but just get along really well like none of this shit ever happened. He also wants to try and make Trump feel better about people thinking he should stop being president just because he lost the election.

This plan? Naming the COVID vaccine after Trump and then having that be the term everyone uses for it all of the time, for decades to come.

"I had an idea with the world so divided and everybody telling him he's gotta give up and time to leave and time to transition and all the rest of it why not name the vaccine The Trump, make it, like, 'have you gotten your Trump yet?' It would be a nice gesture to him. And years from now it would become just kind of a generic name."

Trump does like putting his name on things, this is true. And if the vaccine were the kind you get in the butt, it would feel marginally appropriate as a Dad joke, as he is certainly a pain in the ass. But no, no. I don't think that anyone would call the vaccine "The Trump" even if it were officially named that, because that is just weird.

According to Geraldo, he kind of deserves it though because of how we wouldn't even have it if he hadn't pushed so hard for it.

"I wished we could honor him in that way. Because he's definitely the prime architect of this Operation Warp Speed and but for him we'd still be waiting, you know, into the grim winter these amazing, miraculous breakthroughs."

Yeah, that seems like a thing that is not actually true. I'm gonna say that probably the scientists are the reason why we are not still waiting! Also no one gets vaccines named after them. No one goes around saying "I'm gonna get a Jenner" because Edward Jenner invented the smallpox vaccine. That would be weird and also confusing because like 90 percent of Americans would think it was somehow related to Kylie.

If Geraldo truly wants to heal this nation, he can encourage the people who watch his station to stop being terrible. Or he can try to find Al Capone's vault again because pretty much everyone laughed at that.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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