German Police Defuse Sex Bomb, Bavaria Safe From Explosive Orgasms
A police bomb squad in Germany was called out Monday to defuse what might have been an unexploded hand grenade from World War II, but it turned out to be a rubber sex toy. Yes really. The Associated Press reports that
A jogger reported finding a bag containing the device on Monday in a forest outside the city of Passau, near Germany's borders with Austria and the Czech Republic.
The discovery of forgotten or hidden munitions is a regular occurrence in Germany more than 75 years after the end of the second world war.
One big hint to the non-martial purpose of the rubber thingie: It was found in a clear plastic bag along with some condoms and lube. The police confirmed by searching the internets that there are indeed a variety of sex toys shaped like grenades.
We hate to tell you this, dear readers, but the most complete coverage of the story in English appears to come from the Daily Mail tabloid, which is the only source we found that reproduced a police photo of the grenadildo given to the German news agency dpa, which must think it's pretty special with its e.e. cummings lowercase initials.
It's unclear what exactly a rubber device for many cummings was doing by a jogging trail in the middle of a forest, but the Mail assures us that a "police spokesman told dpa that they suspected someone wanted to throw away the items, rather than putting them in the bin."
Perhaps it was some kind of kinky Candid Camera prank gone stupid.
We did some googling ourselves, particularly after Rebecca sensibly asked in the chatcave, "Whaaat ... would you do with a grenade shaped sex toy?" Our first thought was that perhaps the toy was based on a German grenade, which would seem a far friendlier shape for the purpose.
But that photo from the sex bob-omb squad is definitely a variation on a US grenade of WW II. This turns out to be a not-uncommon motif in the sex toy trade.
However, our search suggests that what we're looking at here is not so much a dildo or butt plug, but rather, a peener pumper-upper, because look at that valve up top. Looks a lot like this item from the Chinese Alibaba site:
Or this rather ickily described product from an Israeli site:
In conclusion, as they used to say when they played "Florida or Germany" on the old "Loveline" radio show, the weird sex stories are always from Germany, and the dumb criminals are from Florida, the end.
Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please give $5 to $10 a month so we can keep bringing you all the peener news you can use. Possibly as an emetic.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.