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Get Used To Everyone Hating On Michelle Obama Forever

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Last week was probably not the best for our beloved FLOTUS. On Monday, famed underwear model Rush Limbaughgrumbled some crazy-speak about how our Michelle ate ribs one time, which made her too fat to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, or something. To make matters worse, New Jersey Governor and Professional Fat Person Chris Christie decided to come to our FLOTUS’ defense, with help from Former Fat Person and Future President of the United States of Lard Mike Huckabee. Apparently Chris Christie really wishes that Michelle Obama had put him on a diet years ago, and wants you to know how hard it is to be fat, okay? It’s a struggle. Everyone should get used to this nonsense, because when it comes to being the target of stupidity, Michelle is the new Barack.


In the past few weeks, our FLOTUS has been the victim of attacks from not only Rush Limbaugh, but Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and bad illustrations. This is because Republicans are bored of saying mean things about Barack Obama. He just makes it so easy. It’s much more challenging (and more fun!) to make fun of Michelle Obama for supporting military families and promoting healthy eating and healthy babies.

During her first two years in the White House, she was more Laura Bush rather than Hillary Clinton, but that has begun to change. Now, for conservative critics, it is open season on the first lady.

Gun metaphors make anti-FLOTUS commentary even more exciting!

“There’s so much anger in the criticism surrounding Michelle Obama,” said Myra Gutin, a Rider University professor and author of a biography of Barbara Bush and a book on 20th century first ladies. “It seems almost personal to me.”

Republicans have a simple response: Obama is now fair game because she is playing an increasingly political role in her husband’s administration.

Michelle obviously brought all of this on herself, because she opened her mouth in public, and has a brain. America prefers to only hear from ladies with moose droppings in place of a brain. Knowledge and reason tend to get in the way of effective policy. Of course, we will stick by our FLOTUS until the end. [Politico]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move for "The FLOTUS Files," which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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