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Every day with Lev Parnas and Rudy Giuliani is unspeakably stupid, but some days are even stupider than others. This is one of those days. Friends, we have stumbled upon the still-live website for Lev Parnas's Fraud Guarantee company, so named to depress mentions of his previous shady dealings when searchers plugged "Parnas" and "fraud" into their Google machines. Does this company guarantee to perpetrate a fraud upon its clients? No, sir! This is a "best of breed technology with respect to background check and due diligence products" that promises to "scour the internet, crunch the data, and identify potential risks for investors."

What the hell does that even mean, you say? Well, just give old Lev your bank routing number and your worries are over!

This technology isolates reputational concerns for a given entity and its principles. If people are talking about fraudulent activity, we will know about it. The reporting and analytics provide positive/negative trending of content regarding individuals, funds, or companies that an Investor may be contemplating investing in. While background checks are helpful looking into the past, we provide "real time" assessments as to what is happening today.

UH HUH.

As best we can make out, Parnas and his alleged co-conspirator David Correia hoped to launch some kind of LifeLock knock-off that would insure investors against the risk of being defrauded. It's not clear if they had an actual product, much less a plan beyond hiring Rudy Giuliani as their pitch man. But there's a whole lot of rubes and their money to be parted if you can get your spots on the local Sinclair outlet. Plus these Chucklefucks had one thing no one else had.

No not HEART, ya patsy. They had the absolute worst judgment of anyone in South Florida, and that is really saying something. The New York Times has fleshed out the details of how an idiot who was trailed by bad debts and didn't have a pot to piss in came up with half a million dollars to pay Rudy to shill for his company.


It started back in 2018 when Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman started making donations to Republican groups in an effort to buy entree to potential investors and connections. At a June 2018 event for donors to the pro-Trump America First Action PAC at the Trump Hotel in DC, Parnas and Fruman met a Long Island plaintiffs' attorney named Charles Gucciardo. Parnas and Fruman would later be indicted for falsely claiming that their $325,000 donation to the PAC came from non-existent proceeds from their natural gas export company. But in happier days, the pair likely congratulated themselves on their business acumen -- the $325,000 admission ticket netted them a $500,000 investment from Gucciardo, who agreed to pay Rudy's pitch fee in exchange for a stake in the as-yet imaginary Fraud Guarantee venture.

So when Rudy said, "The money did not come from foreigners. I can rule that out 100 percent," turns out, he was right. Go figure! Although, he doesn't appear to have made any pitch videos for the company in exchange for the half a million dollars. Go figure again!

In an interview, Mr. Giuliani called the arrangement a "perfectly legitimate payment" for which Mr. Gucciardo received "promissory notes that were convertible into a percentage of the company."

Mr. Giuliani said he "verified the stock agreement" and "felt comfortable getting it from somebody as reputable as him," adding that, after the payments, "I've gotten to know Charles very well. He's a very honorable man, a very good man."

[Mr. Gucciardo's lawyer, Randy] Zelin said Mr. Gucciardo did not pay Mr. Giuliani personally, but rather made his investment by paying one of Mr. Giuliani's consulting firms, Giuliani Partners. Mr. Gucciardo was "simply one of numerous other investors in the company and is nothing more than a passive investor," Mr. Zelin said.

Ummmmm ... okay. Let's assume for the moment that each party in this scenario was scrupulously correct in reporting this transaction to the IRS. Quit laughing, it could have happened! Rudy declared the income, Fraud Guarantee disclosed the debt to the "numerous other investors in the company" who totally for sure exist (stop laughing!), and there's nothing else going on here. Gucciardo just decided to hand over half a million dollars in cash for a pitch deal that never happened, secured by the signature of a guy who was massively in debt and getting sued up and down the East Coast and who was flogging a product that sounds very much like it's supposed to protect you from him, and Gucciardo never sued to recoup after the deal fell through. Sure, why not!

Fine, we'll stipulate that the whole agreement was completely kosher. But still, what the hell is Rudy doing legally advising these guys on a transaction which directed all the money into his own pocket? Because Rudy himself has admitted that he acted as a lawyer here, saying he provided "a combination of business advice and consulting, consistent with what my company does, and legal advice."

So, that's not really a GOOD LOOK. Nor does it appear to have been a good investment for Gucciardo, who is stuck holding paper from guys under federal indictment. He probably should have purchased some kind of insurance in case his investments went belly up. Hey, maybe these guys can help ...

In summary, WTF, WTF, and, lest we forget WT actual F.

[NYT]

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