Give Sarah Huckabee Sanders A Break? The Fuck We Will.
Are we being unkind or unfair to Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Well, we did gently and constructively criticize her Wednesday, in a piece titled, "Go Fuck Yourself, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, You Debased Redneck Motherfucker." Was that too much? Was it even enough? Or was it just right like a common fucking Goldilocks?
According to A Idiot on the internet, we are all being too mean to sweet, innocent Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who only recently fell out of a tree in southwestern Arkansas directly onto the podium in the James S. Brady Briefing Room in the White House. We hate to do this (no we don't), but we must now use our words to kick that idiot, whose name is Matthew Walther.
Here is his thesis:
And here is our reply:
Allow us to pick the bugs out of his dumb argument, one by one:
It would take a heart of stone not to pity Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary whose sorry lot it is to defend with clarity and rigor the extraordinary, the bizarre, the deeply misguided, the hilarious, the moronic, the wicked, and all the other words that could be enlisted uselessly in an unsuccessful attempt to describe the things President Trump does and says on a daily basis.
Oh no, we have a heart of stone! Is the writer Taylor Dayne, who just can't believe it?
And why must we pity Sanders, who spouts bald-faced lie after bald-faced lie, who not only defends her shit boss's fascist bigotry but ENHANCES it, and who sugarcoats all that with her trademark folksy "AW SHUCKS, I'M JUST A REGULAR OLD GAL FROM ARKANSAS" demeanor?
Well, first of all, because the White House press corps is a total asshole:
It is almost impossible to describe for those who have never attended a briefing in the West Wing what a smarmy, self-congratulatory, clubbish, childish, idiotic set the White House press corps are. These are people who think that their needling questions about the half-understood minutiae being fed to them by colleagues via their cellphones are of vital importance to the national interest and that asking them makes them indispensable guardians of peace and justice without whom our democracy would wither away.
Nice to see what respect the writer has for journalists. We'll keep that in mind as we consider the rest of his argument.
Walther's second point is that some people are unkind about Sanders's appearance, which is a valid criticism that has zero to do with the point, which is that Sanders is not just complicit, but the active mouthpiece for an administration hellbent on destroying all the institutions that Made America Great Again in the first fucking place. Let's read his argument:
When David Horsey of the Los Angeles Times compared her to a "slightly chunky soccer mom who organizes snacks for the kids' games" and suggested that she would be "more comfortable in sweats and running shoes" than in her professional attire, he was only being more honest than many of his colleagues, whose contempt for Sanders, masked by a relentless obsession with cataloging her every verbal tic — as if no previous White House media flunky had been known to use the word "look" — is as obvious as it is pathological.
David Horsey was an asshole to say that, and Wonkette will be the first to call you dicks out for making fun of Sanders's appearance. The only fair criticism on that front is that SHE WEARS TABLECLOTHS TO WORK. She shouldn't do that!
Regardless, his point stands. If you can't say anything nice about Sarah Huckabee Sanders's appearance, shut up and talk about the substance, character and integrity of the woman, all of which are sorely lacking.
This former president of the student body at Ouachita Baptist University in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, is exactly what she appears to be: namely, a more or less decent, perhaps not world-historically bright woman asked to do a difficult job and managing it with more verve and good humor than anyone could reasonably expect.
AND A PAID LIAR who seems to relish her position. Let's not forget that. The fact she fell out of a turnip truck in Hope, Arkansas, was whisked off to the big city of Little Rock when Daddy became governor, and then played the wingnut welfare circuit all the way up to her current position does not mean we should treat her as if she doesn't know any better.
Walther lists all the bullshit Donald Trump has put the world through this week, and asks, "How could any sentient adult speaking in good faith be expected to defend or explain or even politely acknowledge half of this?" Well, they couldn't! He continues:
Calling Sanders a "liar" is missing the point. What would you prefer her to do? Take the podium one day and say, "Look, the truth is that my boss has a weird relationship with the truth, no real priorities other than expressing contempt for all of you, and no matter what, I'm gonna say that he's doing a good job, okay? So let's just move on."
Well she could do that. She'd be fired, but she could do it.
Or there is another option! A "sentient adult speaking in good faith," in possession of a conscience, would survey the situation and say FUCK THIS, I'M OUT. Hell, she might land with a cushy contributor position on MSNBC.
But the evidence does not suggest Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a "sentient adult speaking in good faith." (Consider the common indecency of her father, from whom she presumably learned about politickin'.) The Shuckster is on this Trump train because she wants to be. No White House talking mouth is entitled to the benefit of the doubt at this point.
Walther concludes by expressing hope Sanders will "realize one of these days that what she is paid to do is beneath the dignity of any rational human being and quit." We can get on board with that, though we're not holding out hope.
The rest of his argument can fuck right off.
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