Glenn Beck Is Going Blind Because He Cries Too Much
Glenn Beck came to Salt Lake City to talk about the Jesus and the America and the Socialism for a stadium spectacular and confided in the crowd of idiots who paid money tosee their favorite radio and teevee person that he is maybe going to be blind. "Only Glenn Beck could make a crowd of 6,000 fans laugh while talking about how he may be going blind," the Deseret News put it, wrongly, as just about anyone could make a crowd of 6,000 people laugh about Glenn Beck going blind. But of course in addition to the lolz there was a whole lot of Glenn Beck crying, which is probably what is causing his vision disease anyway.
This was an "American Revival" event, by the way, "a blending of an old-fashioned tent meeting, a political science seminar and a comedy show," and certainly it worked well on all of those fronts, especially the last two.
A few weeks ago, Beck went to the doctor because he was having trouble focusing his eyes. "So, I went to the best doctor I could find — while I could still go to the best doctor I could find," he said, unable to resist a dig at health care reform. The doctor told Beck he had "macular dystrophy."
"Is that that Jerry Lewis thing?" Beck joked. "I should have given more."
Beck said the doctor told him he might be blind in a year or he might not.
"I said, 'Did you just charge me a thousand dollars for knowing what I already knew my whole life?' I knew that at 3! 'You might go blind someday. You might not,' " Beck said.
Oh man, doctors, amiright? What do those quacks know?! Wait, Glenn said doctors are good now, though they will be bad under socialism. So that doctor was good.
But perhaps Glenn Beck isn't really going blind in a physiological sense. Perhaps his vision of the world has just gotten so far off base that he can no longer sense reality.
You can see the blind stuff starting at 6:00 or so in this video:
"Did you just charge me $1,000 for knowing what I already knew my whole life?" "You're a doctor like I'm a doctor, aren't cha?" Har har, you're right, the health care system we have now works so well, Glenn. Also, there are things called audiobooks now, so stop crying about your reading ability. [Deseret News]