GMU Secret Society to Alter Course of History!
Virginia's George Mason University is all abuzz this week with rumors about a new secret society called "The 17." (Their name, we assume, comes from the answer to the question "How many GMU douchebags does it take to screw in a lightbulb?") They have been sabotaging the campus with chalk vandalism, e-mail spam and ambiguous haikus. They are also seeking to enrich uranium to nuke student apathy.
GMU Students woke Monday morning to the sight of a mysterious ancient rune -- "17" -- chalked across campus, according to the Broadside newspaper. A series of e-mails followed from "The 17 at Bailey's Crossroads," one of which included a "Declaration of Student Rights." Within the Declaration, The 17 outline their mission with Jacobin intensity and devastating specifics:
As George Mason once championed individual rights and the power of his people, today we fight for the betterment of his University.... It must be realized that the general indifference and the apathy of our peers contribute to every challenge we face in the present and future.
Damn our colleagues, what with their cellular telephones, their Mozilla Internets and... and by Jove, those wretched Super Nintendo Entertainment Systems! We must combat the anti-George Masonites with cryptic haiku electronic messages!:
Please wait for your chance
To be called upon for help Students
Until your next edition
We will change Mason
If you want to help
No more haiku's or games played
Time to take a stand.
Whatever meeting they have in store probably just entails some dudes meeting in a dorm room and going on HotOrNot.com for a couple of hours.
17? [GMU Broadside]