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The Washington Post reports that Anthony Kennedy is retiring from the Supreme Court, effective July 31. Kennedy is the "swing vote" whose swing lately has been all about letting Trump ban Muslims (national security), killing unions (First Amendment), saving Christianity from gay cakes (First Amendment again), saving crisis pregnancy centers from having to say they don't have medical personnel on staff (what a busy First Amendment!), and murdering voting rights (no reason). And that's all just in the past week.

Good fucking riddance, Anthony Kennedy.


Now Donald Trump will have the opportunity to appoint a second justice, in addition to the guy who said a company can fire you for refusing to stay in an unheated truck in a snowstorm and freeze to death. We expect Supreme Court nominee Larry Klayman to make his bow any day, or else someone worse if we can think of any.

Chuck Schumer, a word. IF YOU DON'T FILIBUSTER ANY AND ALL NOMINEES SHORT OF BARACK OBAMA OR THE GHOST OF EUGENE DEBS, YOU NEED TO FOLLOW ANTHONY KENNEDY THE FUCK OUT THE DOOR. I don't care if Mitch McConnell threatens to end the filibuster if you don't deal. LET HIM. THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK IT'S FOR. THE FASCISTS ARE IN THE GODDAMN HOUSE, AND THEY'RE TAKING IT APART BRICK BY BRICK AND GRAFFITIING "I REALLY DON'T CARE, DO U?" OVER THE BABY'S CRIB, WHICH IS A CAGE NOW.

UPDATE! Lol, my bad, Mitch McConnell already killed the filibuster for the Supreme Court.

Do your fucking job, Schumer. Grow a fucking backbone BUT VITE. DO NOT LET THEM CONFIRM A REPLACEMENT BEFORE MERRICK GARLAND GETS TO VOTE. What was it Mitch McConnell said, the people need a chance to weigh in? GEE I WONDER IF HE WILL CHANGE HIS WHISTLING DIXIE.

And Anthony Kennedy, it's a 9-0 vote of go fuck yourself.

Wonkette needs a liquor. Please send us some.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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