Jerry Falwell collapsed in his office this morning, and he's in the hospital, and he's "gravely unresponsive."

At a time like this, people deserve sympathy and good wishes ... except for Falwell, who is an evil sonofabitch. Over his long career as a vile televangelist building an empire of bigotry from the donations of poor people, Falwell has supported South African apartheid, called AIDS an invention of Jesus to punish gays, attacked Martin Luther King and U.S. civil rights, and blamed 9/11 on feminists and homosexuals.

Reached in Heaven, the Lord God said he was "looking forward to speaking to Jerry," and that God's loyal lieutenant Satan Von Lucifer would "go Abu Ghraib on his fat ass for the next 10 million years."

Falwell Found Unresponsive [Lynchburg News-Advance]