God-Appointed Sheriff Lady Will Bring Down This Government Her Own Self


Remember Operation American Spring? Back in May a couple hundred of them arrived in Washington, vowing to maintain a daily protest until Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi were forced to abandon their offices. They were mighty, even if they didn't quite make the 10 million to 30 million attendance mark they'd predicted. But they did at least get Obama to resign, didn't they?

Oh, and Eric Holder. Better arrest Holder, just to be sure he can't sneak back in.

Fast and Furious! ObamaCare! BENGHAZI!!!

It was going pretty well for a couple of days. They prayed in front of the Lincoln Memorial, they flew their flags by the Washington Monument, they yelled their demands at the White House.

They settled into a shady spot by a snack shack on the National Mall within view of the Capitol and Camp Liberty was born.

And parked at the edge of their patch of grass was a black RV covered in Anonymous and WikiLeaks logos with an OCCUPY flag flying from the back. The first time we noticed it there was a woman in a flowing tunic standing between the skylights, blowing a duck call.

Meet Christine, God-Appointed Sheriff of Washington, DC.

Christine came for Operation American Spring because she wants to overthrow the federal government, but some of her other causes didn't line up too well with the majority of OAS protesters. She's a vocal supporter of Chelsea Manning, Julian Assange, and Edward Snowden, she thinks Osama bin Laden's assassination was a hoax, and she has a large web presence dedicated to the theory that the 9/11 attacks were orchestrated by the George W. Bush administration.

To keep the peace, she tried covering the WikiLeaks logos on one side of the bus, which she calls the Anonomobile. Then her fellow protesters asked her to stop telling passers-by that a passenger jet couldn't have made a hole that small in the Pentagon and that the damage to the building was inflicted by a missile.

Christian fellowship seemed to keep things calm for awhile, but after about a month, Camp Liberty was down to a few dozen diehards and Christine's small faction felt increasingly unwelcome. A shoving match between the Anonomobile's resident A/V expert Media Matt and OAS pastor Sylvester Bland (seen above, with flag) brought out the Park Police, and Christine began to suspect that the people who'd taken charge of the "leaderless movement" were either secretly government contractors or only interested in skimming donations coming in through the project's various web pages.

She was determined to protest in favor of government transparency in view of the Capitol and the throngs of tourists passing by on the National Mall, but the ideological and personal disputes with OAS boiled over and even a shared commitment to taking down Barack Obama could not bridge the gap. She moved the Anonomobile closer to the Capitol as the population of Camp Liberty dwindled to zero and its spiritual father, Col. Riley, declared that the protest had "made a difference" and that he was resigning as its leader.

Obama remains in the White House, so Christine and Media Matt remain on the Mall. They spend their time engaging the public, tweeting, posting frequent public Facebook updates, and filling her YouTube channel with videos about the importance of net neutrality, how hard it is to walk into the Department of Justice for no reason, the aftermath of the "Kenyan Occupation" (also known as the Smithsonian Folklife Festival), and the utterly prejudicial ticketing habits of the Park Police.

Since Anonymous avoids naming leaders or spokespeople, it doesn't exactly have a VP in charge of franchising. If you want to paint your RV with Anonymous symbols, name it the Anonomobile, and drive it to protests to promote Anonymous, no one's going to stop you, but some of the Anonokids might not be too happy about it. They might be mad enough to fire up the ol' text-to-voice and take to YouTube to say you are almost definitely probably an FBI informant. Probably.

Is Christine a covert agent? We cannot say! We do not have these Friends with Access to Information. She has always been quite cordial to us, and the closest she comes to a disguise is doubling up on her hippie accessories to appear harmless to the police protecting the government she's vowed to dismantle.

Well, you could say she's kind of in disguise when she puts on the mask.

It's hard to call her covert, especially when she uses the bullhorn to remind the complacent public that "HACKTIVISM IS SELF-DEFENSE."

Christine says she's staying in DC until November, waiting not for the midterm elections but for the Anonymous Million Mask March, commemorating the plot to attack Parliament on November 5, 1605. Her call for revolution continues 71 days after Operation American Spring first arrived, and she can almost always be found with her Anonomobile and Media Matt parked on the National Mall between 3rd and 7th Streets, NW.

Chances are she'll offer you a drink of water and invite you inside to sit for awhile in her soothing blue oasis to escape the disgusting heat of the DC summer. She's nice like that.

Just don't be offended if she's got some stuff to do.

Beth will be live-tweeting the revolution from the food court of the Air & Space Museum.


Donate with CC

OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC
pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.

In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"


In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!

Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!


Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc