God Help Us, Great American Artist Jon McNaughton Made One Fugly Painting For Dok's 60th Birthday
Jon McNaughton, the Sage of Salt Lake City and creator of the Greatest Patriotic Painting of All Time, "Jesus Hands George Washington the Constitution While Lincoln, Adams, Madison, and Everyone from the Sgt. Pepper's Album Cover Sing Barbershop," has shared a new work of art with America, just in time for Yr. Doktor Zoom's 60th birthday today.
I swear, if any of you filthy fuckaducks even THINK of buying me a print, I will not invite you to my birthday party, which I am not having anyway.
The new work is titled "Politically Incorrect," and like every other McNaughton painting, we suspect it's meant to be a savagely bold affront to liberal sensitivities. We'd say we were "triggered" by this thing, but we're fairly sure that isn't supposed to involve quite this much giggling.
The racially ambiguous fellow with the AR-15 there — McNaughton says he's "neither black not white," so we'll assume it's a middle aged Michael Jackson — is adorned with all sorts of messages we suppose are intended to make libs wail and gnash their teeth. Let us catalogue these many artifacts of the Kitscher wars.
- Big scary gun that scares liberals, who are all afraid of freedom and guns, which are the same thing.
- MAGA hat, because you libs all just LOSE IT when you see those.
- American Flag print bandana — not an actual flag because that would be blasphemous.
- Confederate flag belt buckle, because liberals hate the real history of America and want to erase it.
- Patch with a cross that says "faith," because liberals hate God Almighty and the nation He founded.
- Patch with the Gadsden Flag, because Patriots will not be trod upon.
- Patch reading "2A" because McNaughton wasn't sure he could paint the NRA logo that small and have it still be recognized, and what if they sued him? Oh hey, maybe that's the bit of red beneath his gun's shoulder strap?
- Patch that appears to be the Union Pacific logo, because liberals ... hate trains?
- "All Lives Matter" T-shit, because liberals only care about Black lives, what hypocrites!
- Holy Bible, because obviously that makes libs cry. We bet you are crying right now, libs, because you know you are going to Hell.
- Tiny American Flag lapel pin, exactly like the one Barack Obama never wore even once ever because the USA flag makes Muslims burst into flames.
- Republican party elephant logo patch, which I can't imagine any actual rightwing gunmilitia loony wearing, but McNaughton can.
- "Secure the Border" patch, based on a real design you can google it yourself
- "Straight Pride" patch, which is not based on a real design as far as we can tell. McNaughton also includes what's purported to be a "straight pride" flag on our dude's jacket, a bit of iconography I'd never seen until just now. McNaughton apparently doubted his customers would recognize it, so he added that other patch with the words spelled out.
But wait! At McNaughton's website, you can also read a poem that McNaughton wrote about this transgressive character — if you dare ! As we noted in our review of McNaughton's now memory-holed YA novel about angels and good posture, Jon McNaughton is a multi-talented artist whose way with words makes his paintings look pretty darn competent. Here, have a pome!
“Politically Incorrect” by Jon McNaughton
Out on the gun range he stood,
The embodiment of a man.
He was neither black nor white,
A proud American.
He held a firearm of choice.
It was his right to own,
and was trained to use it skillfully,
For defenses unbeknown.
The American Dream is real.
Though ideologies clash.
He wore a red MAGA hat,
And a Martin Luther King mustache.
Who tells you what to think,
Or how to raise your voice,
Republican or Democrat,
Choose life, or be pro-choice?
You see - ALL Lives Matter,
And you cannot favor race,
The Constitution is colorblind,
Wokeness - a disgrace!
There is an absolute truth
Bigoted leftists always forget:
You cannot censure people,
Or the politically incorrect.
Crom knows that when we think of Martin Luther King and his mustache, we also think of Confederate flags, albeit he's not usually the one wearing one as a belt buckle.
In conclusion, we are all one nation, but only one part of that nation is really American, and liberals should knock it off with all that censureship, happy birthday to me I am OLD now, get off my lawn, Jon McNaughton, you cannot have your frisbee back.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.