God Instructs Idaho Prepper And End-Times Prophet To Launch Pointless Bid For Congress
I see a 'S,' and a eagle and a flame! This logo needs more elements.
Yr Wonkette likes to think Idaho already has some of the weirdest politics per capita in the country -- although bigger states like Florida and Texas have more gross weirdness, and weird grossness, we have pretty respectable outlandishness relative to our population. And with Raul Labrador planning to capitalize on his "Nobody died from not having healthcare" triumph to run for governor, we now have a scramble for Labrador's seat in Congress a-brewing for 2018. And oh, what a wonderful mess of a candidate has chosen to bless the Gem State with his holy presence.
On Tuesday, a rightwing prepper and prophet of the End Times, Michael Snyder, announced he's seeking Labrador's seat, because what Congress really needs is a guy who writes for Charisma News, the Christianist website that's so frequently over the top that people wonder if it might really be satire. The nice folks at RightWingWatch say Snyder runs his own prepper website called "The Economic Collapse," but we're not sure it counts, since it's literally nothing more than a place to repost everything he writes at Charisma News, plus ads for gold, moving to Panama, and silver-based quack cures. Among Snyder's recent insights are a condemnation of men dressing like women and t'other way 'round, a call for a war on Globalism, and a profile of a guy who died, went to heaven, had a chat with Jesus, and came back (Jesus is "not overly large, but he's massively built. You would think that he's a weightlifter, a body builder").
Oh, and also a thinky piece about a badly hurt bald eagle found on the streets of Washington DC, which Snyder believes is a sign from God that our nation is beat up, on its last legs, and
should have been allowed to go extinct instead of being saved by the Endangered species Act faces grave threats to our freedom.
Snyder posted a two-part campaign announcement video to YouTube which we won't embed here because part 1 is 17 minutes long and sounds like it was recorded with a slab of steak over the microphone -- it was filmed on the 4th of July, after all. But we'll transcribe some of what we made out:
Mub bub baaah kurda bahaa faith and burbba mubba blorba freedom hurrba baffa gurb America [...] legalized abortion gay marriage, a leppa heppa scrot fargle.
His written announcement at Charisma News touches on similar points, calling -- how's this for novel! -- for a "Second American Revolution," only not a violent one, don't get the wrong idea, although everyone should own a gun and the ATF should be abolished. As should Common Core, the Federal Reserve, the Department of Education, the IRS, the NSA, Obamacare, and the EPA, which might explain why Snyder's campaign logo is an eagle that's been set on fire.
Snyder also vows that not only will he vote against every piece of legislation that provides so much as a single penny to Planned Parenthood, he will actively fight to defeat any other Republican who won't make the same pledge. But that's not enough!
But I won't be satisfied once Planned Parenthood is defunded. My goal is to completely destroy Planned Parenthood as an organization, and I will greatly rejoice when the final Planned Parenthood clinic in America is finally shut down for good.
Take that, you stupid right to freedom of association! Then once the last Planned Parenthood clinic is shut down, Michael Snyder will bulldoze all the buildings, compact all the debris and the soil going down ten feet, and commit NASA to the goal of blasting all the polluted former-Planned-Parenthood buildings into space, aiming them at a black hole so they'll eventually be ejected from our universe.
Oh, yeah, and he wants a flat tax, a border wall, the expulsion of all RINOS from the Republican party, and for local communities to be able to ban Muslim refugees. On that one, of course, he insists that
the sexual assault of that precious little five-year-old girl in Twin Falls, Idaho by three Islamic refugees is just the tip of the iceberg of what will happen if changes are not made.
Why would he want to mention that the assailants were also children? Islamic refugees are all rapists, whatever their age.
Before last year's election, Snyder went on the Jim Bakker Show to share his worries that "the elites" would stage a false flag attack on Donald Trump as an excuse to declare martial law and cancel the election and hand the presidency to Hillary Clinton, who is a Jezebel.
He's also big on mystic visions, like the sign of the bedraggled eagle, or a prophetic nine-year-old boy he saw on the YouTubes who had a vision of an asteroid hitting the earth, causing a huge wave that would wipe out the east coast of the USA. And wouldn't you know it, Snyder and his wife "have been collecting dreams and visions of a giant asteroid that is going to strike the Atlantic Ocean for many years." His wife even has a big internet collection of them! Obviously they are prophecies from God, not dreams that people have had after seeing Armageddon or Deep Impact on cable.
We may have to check out Michael Snyder's campaign and go to some events. We really need a congressman who will bring his End Times prophecies to the floor of Congress. Snyder truly may be the man Idaho needs for the Trump Era.
Oh, and did we mention he wrote a self-published End Times novel, creatively titled The Beginning Of The End? Looks like we'll be writing a review soon! Also? This is your OPEN THREAD!
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.