God Tells 'Prophet' He's Gonna Smite All The Social Media Companies And Make Trump President Again
According to a recent report in the New York Times, Christian prophets are on the rise. No longer are religious leaders content with simply interpreting what the Christian God wants or thinks by reading the Bible, they are having regular conversations with him, in which he assures them that he agrees with them and that everything they want (and that those who give them money want) to happen will happen.
There are more people than ever claiming to be Christian prophets, and amazingly, God told practically all of them that Trump was going to win the election. Some of them have since backtracked and admitted they were wrong, but others are standing resolute in their continued belief in the Second Coming of Donald Trump.
"The January 20 inauguration date doesn't really mean anything," [self-declared Christian prophet Johnny] Enlow said in the January 29 video, which has gotten north of 100,000 views on YouTube. According to Enlow, more than 100 other "credible" Christian prophets around the world had likewise declared that Trump, somehow, would be restored to power soon.
Indeed, Enlow was not alone out on that limb. Greg Locke, a Nashville pastor with a massive social media following, said after Trump's loss that he would "100 percent remain president of the United States for another term." Kat Kerr, a pink-haired preacher from Jacksonville, Florida, declared repeatedly last month that Trump had won the election "by a landslide" and that God had told her he would serve for eight years. In his video, Enlow went further. "There's not going to be just Trump coming back," he said. "There's going to be at least two more Trumps that will be in office in some way." Donald Trump, he proclaimed elsewhere, was "the primary government leader on Planet Earth."
One of those prophets is Nathan French, and God has told him that not only is Donald Trump going to be president again, but that he will be smiting the social media companies what done him wrong.
"The Lord said this morning, he told me, 'It's unwise to pick a fight with a reigning champion,'" French claimed. "He said, 'Nathan, I'm going to overturn [the election], and I'm going to reinstate Trump.' And so I realized that not only has God chosen President Trump and Melania, but when you mess with God's plan, then you come against God himself, and you pick a fight with God."
"This is what the Lord said to me this morning," French continued. "He said, 'Big tech companies will begin to crumble if they continue to come against God's anointed.' When the Lord speaks through his prophets and prophetic people, it is his own words, and they will not return void. So when the flesh and the way that seems right to a man—which is like leaning on your own understanding—stands against the Lord's words or those he's chosen as mouthpieces, they basically pick a fight with the reigning champion, and that's just going to bring a KO. So God's gonna knock out, he's gonna wipe out everything that comes against what he's preparing to release, which is the Third Great Awakening."
I have some questions! If the infallible deity I don't believe in can have their plans "messed with" by Twitter and Facebook and also the millions and millions of voters not voting for the presidential candidate of their choice, are they truly infallible? Or was it just God's job to "anoint" Trump and tell his prophets about it, and then everyone was supposed to go along with them? Because that doesn't seem like a very solid plan to me. Especially when said prophets seem a little kooky.
Let's be real. It's pretty hard to act surprised that no one listened to God's prophets, because of how anyone can say they are a prophet. Even James Randi never invented a test for that one. Anyone can say they are anything, really. I could say that I have the ability to channel a Lemurian warrior who lived 35,000 years ago or that I am the reincarnation of Jesus/George Washington and there would be loads of people out there who would respond, "Oh wow, that sounds great and entirely plausible, would you like to have all of the money?"
But I don't because I am not a bad person. That's the line we're going with anyway.
Anyway! Isn't God supposed to be able to predict the future? So why didn't he see this coming and make all the social media companies crumble before the election? Because now he has to do this whole awkward thing and somehow finagle a way to make Donald Trump president again, all these months after the election.
That seems like the kind of thing a fallible deity might have to do!
There is another possibility, outside of God not existing and these people just being scam artists, which I personally believe is the case here. God could be playing a trick on these people. Like that time he told that guy to go and kill his baby and then was like "Psych! Please do not actually kill your baby! I was just kidding!" Perhaps he is just going around telling these Christian prophets that he's gonna make Trump president again, when he is not going to do that, because he thinks it's funny to mess with them. Or because he wants them to be super wrong about a thing, as publicly as possible, so that stupid people stop giving them their money.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse