Goddammit, We Cannot Believe We Are Saying This, But Here Is Your OMAROSA LAWSPLAINER
Can you believe these assholes are making us violate our NO OMAROSA policy twice in one week? Do we appreciate being forced to take the side of a reality teevee nutjob? No, we do not! But even nutjobs have First Amendment rights. And the Trump Administration needs to GTFOH with this nonsense about using law enforcement to shut their former employee up.
SO, FINE. You've forced us into it! Hope you're happy now. Buckle up for your Omarosa Lawsplainer!
Exhibit A: The Firing
Here's decorated war hero John Kelly telling Ms. Manigault Newman that no one will prosecute her for "serious integrity violations" if she leaves without making a fuss. Omarosa has described this as a threat, and we agree with her. Is it appropriate for a federal official to threaten to sic Johnny Law on a federal employee if she contests her termination? No, it is not!
You can look at your time here in the White House as a year of service to the nation. And then you can go on without any type of difficulty in the future relative to your reputation. But it's very, very important, I think that you understand that there are some serious legal issues that have been violated. And you're open to some legal action that we hope, I think, we can control, right?
Various Republican luminaries have characterized her TAPPING this conversation, which took place in the White House Situation Room, as a very serious violation of the law. So now it is LOCK HER UP, right?
Is there someone out there suggesting that Omarosa shouldn't have been fired, or is Erick Son of Erick moving the ball again? Hmmmm.
Except, the prohibition on recording unclassified conversations in the White House is a rule, not a law. (Much like the Streisand Effect.) So Omarosa is in BIG TROUBLE now, and will maybe get fired and lose that security clearance she never had.
And as a side note, why did Kelly insist that an unclassified conversation had to take place in the Situation Room? Were those grownass white men that terrified of a brown lady? Let's ask Axios -- they always have the inside gossip.
"I'm scared shitless of her... She's a physically intimidating presence," a male former colleague of Omarosa's told me. (He wouldn't let me use a more precise description of his former White House role because he admitted he's still scared of retribution from Omarosa. Other senior officials have admitted the same to me.)
"I never said no to her," the source added. "Anything she wanted, 'Yes, brilliant.' I'm afraid of her. I'm afraid of getting my ass kicked."
Three other former officials shared that sentiment: "One hundred percent, everyone was scared of her," said another former official.
Exhibit B: The NDA
Okay, on to Plan B. Time to send White House staffers out to jump up and down shouting NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT!!! while flinging poo. And who better than Kellyanne Conway to send out on Sunday morning to tell ABC's Jonathan Karl,
I'm told she signed them when she was on 'The Apprentice,' certainly at the campaign. We've all signed them in the West Wing.
Oh, and look who's taking a break from golfing to tap out a few dozen shit-tweets in light of the tape she dropped this morning of her post-termination conversation with the Dotard-in-Chief!
Cool story, bro! Uncle Kelly's gonna need an extra slug out of that fifth he keeps in his desk drawer PROBABLY before he tucks you in tonight and tells you about that time when you were just a little baby dipshit and Reince Priebus got the staff to sign those hush agreements to stop you making another stinky in your diaper. Here on Planet Earth, executive branch communications belong to American citizens, not the White House. NYT reports:
A few months into his presidency, Mr. Trump — infuriated by leaks about everything from staff rivalries to his bathrobe-wearing, TV-viewing habits — ordered Reince Priebus, then his chief of staff, to do the same thing in the West Wing.
To calm Mr. Trump, Donald F. McGahn II, the White House counsel, drew up a broad document barring White House officials from publicly disclosing what they heard and saw at work. But he privately told senior aides that it was mainly meant to placate an agitated president, who was convinced that the people around him had to be pressured into keeping his secrets. Mr. McGahn made it clear the agreement could not ultimately be enforced, according to several people who signed.
If Omarosa violated any laws, they have to do with maintaining presidential records. So that NDA isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
Exhibit C: The FREAKOUT
Guess it was raining in New Jersey this morning! ABC reports the White House is exploring legal options to stop the former communications director for the Office of Public Liaison from releasing further tapes. And good luck to them! Maybe they want to check out Wikipedia page for the Pentagon Papers before rushing to ask a court for a prior restraint on political speech. Because SHUT THE FUCK UP IT'S CALLED THE FIRST AMENDMENT is why!
Hey, remember that fun time when Trump threatened to sue Michael Wolff's publisher to stop them putting out that Fire and Fury book? Whatever happened with that?
Oh, right! NOTHING! Which is exactly how much we want to hear about Omarosa until the end of time. Except her book drops tomorrow and we'll probably have to make words about that lunatic again.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.