Good Morning, President Grandpa! What's Upsetting You Today?
Notoriously shy Donald Trump, who really has trouble expressing what's giving him the rage-shits, has been tweeting a lot the past couple of days! You'd think maybe he would wait until his big long Mar-a-Lago vacation starts later this week to tell us what he's really thinking, but you must remember that President Grandpa doesn't actually do hardly any work, even when he's not on vacation. And he certainly doesn't waddle down from the residence before noon!
The point is that the president has been expressing his anal glands on Twitter a hell of a lot since yesterday morning, when he suggested taking "Saturday Night Live" to court for the crime of hurting his feelings. (It was a pretty good sketch, the one that made him mad! It was an It's A Wonderful Life take-off that imagined a world where Trump never ruined everybody's lives by becoming president.)
In the surprise of the century, it appears many of the president's tweets were vomited into his mouth by his mama bird Fox News. Of course, he vomited them right back out, because he is a BAD BABY.
So where are all the missing Text messages between fired FBI agents Peter S and the lovely Lisa Page, his lover. Ju… https://t.co/fvoSr84Eh0— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1544969512.0
Is the president full of shit? Correct as usual, King Friday, he is full of shit!
Remember, Michael Cohen only became a “Rat” after the FBI did something which was absolutely unthinkable & unheard… https://t.co/jvMyT0Pr3J— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1544971190.0
In the parlance of mob investigations -- which is highly appropriate here -- "rats" are not people who lie, but rather people who tell the truth. They do in fact tend to be viewed in a bad light by mob bosses like Trump.
Also, the FBI did not break into Cohen's office, at least not how Fuckbrain says. Cohen said the feds were very respectful when they raided the fuck out of all his shit. They had a valid search warrant and they executed it. And as a result, we find ourselves in our current situation, wherein Michael Cohen is going to prison, and his former boss, the president of the United States, is considered an unindicted co-conspirator.
Trump's whining about "Crooked" and the "DNC" and the "server" is meritless and deserves no response from any thinking human being.
Hey look, it's Trump live-blogging Fox News some more, because it's not like he has anything else to occupy his sad, lonely time:
Judge Ken Starr, former Solicitor Generel & Independent Counsel, just stated that, after two years, “there is no ev… https://t.co/082FQKx5KJ— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1544973643.0
Required television watching is last weeks @marthamaccallum interview with the wonderful wife of Rod Blagojevich an… https://t.co/RCZblD1zIq— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1544992188.0
You bet, when we want to know "what has been going on in our Country," the first place we always look is a Fox News interview with an unhinged loon-ass conspiracy theorist who's covered in Russian dressing in Robert Mueller's investigation, and who's also pretty sure Barack Obama's REAL birth certificate says Obama was born gay in Indonesia. You bet.
Hey Donald, wanna say NO COLLUSION and yell at Jeff Sessions, because your muscle memory tells you to yell at Jeff Sessions, even though you fired him and now the acting attorney general is a man named Meatball, whose body is made entirely out of meatballs (allegedly)?
....a persecution of the President.” Daniel Henninger, The Wall Street Journal. Thank you, people are starting to… https://t.co/Pl6CdGuMHD— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1544992637.0
This morning, Trump picked up where he left off, because that Fox News isn't gonna tweet about itself!
The DEDUCTIBLE which comes with ObamaCare is so high that it is practically not even useable! Hurts families badly.… https://t.co/0oAOKTi1bB— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1545051733.0
How do we know this is Trump copying off of Steve Doocy's paper? Because Steve Doocy said his daughter's Obamacare premiums are too high on "Fox & Friends" this morning:
Oh man. Looks like the president is cribbing notes from his shows again. Left, Fox & Friends, 6:19 Steve Doocy: "… https://t.co/ORbPd7iPXl— Matthew Gertz (@Matthew Gertz)1545053617.0
It's true that Obamacare premiums in some states are outrageously high. It's also true that they've gone way up because of all the shit Republicans and Trump have done to fuck with the law. So if Steve Doocy's daughter is having issues with her premiums, she should tell her dad to pull his tongue out of Trump's ass and READ A BOOK on why her premiums have gotten so damn high.
For this last one, we can't link you the tweet, because Dipshit just deleted it. It took him approximately three hours to correct the obvious error.
That's right, Grandpa can't spell the one thing that gets his dick hard, which is WALL, the one that will protect BOARDER.
We're sure he'll say more dumb shit today, because that's what he does every day.
For now, though, this post is over.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is supported ONLY by YOU. Help a website out, if you are able!