Notoriously shy Donald Trump, who really has trouble expressing what's giving him the rage-shits, has been tweeting a lot the past couple of days! You'd think maybe he would wait until his big long Mar-a-Lago vacation starts later this week to tell us what he's really thinking, but you must remember that President Grandpa doesn't actually do hardly any work, even when he's not on vacation. And he certainly doesn't waddle down from the residence before noon!

The point is that the president has been expressing his anal glands on Twitter a hell of a lot since yesterday morning, when he suggested taking "Saturday Night Live" to court for the crime of hurting his feelings. (It was a pretty good sketch, the one that made him mad! It was an It's A Wonderful Life take-off that imagined a world where Trump never ruined everybody's lives by becoming president.)

In the surprise of the century, it appears many of the president's tweets were vomited into his mouth by his mama bird Fox News. Of course, he vomited them right back out, because he is a BAD BABY.

Is the president full of shit? Correct as usual, King Friday, he is full of shit!

In the parlance of mob investigations -- which is highly appropriate here -- "rats" are not people who lie, but rather people who tell the truth. They do in fact tend to be viewed in a bad light by mob bosses like Trump.

Also, the FBI did not break into Cohen's office, at least not how Fuckbrain says. Cohen said the feds were very respectful when they raided the fuck out of all his shit. They had a valid search warrant and they executed it. And as a result, we find ourselves in our current situation, wherein Michael Cohen is going to prison, and his former boss, the president of the United States, is considered an unindicted co-conspirator.

Trump's whining about "Crooked" and the "DNC" and the "server" is meritless and deserves no response from any thinking human being.

Hey look, it's Trump live-blogging Fox News some more, because it's not like he has anything else to occupy his sad, lonely time:


You bet, when we want to know "what has been going on in our Country," the first place we always look is a Fox News interview with an unhinged loon-ass conspiracy theorist who's covered in Russian dressing in Robert Mueller's investigation, and who's also pretty sure Barack Obama's REAL birth certificate says Obama was born gay in Indonesia. You bet.

Hey Donald, wanna say NO COLLUSION and yell at Jeff Sessions, because your muscle memory tells you to yell at Jeff Sessions, even though you fired him and now the acting attorney general is a man named Meatball, whose body is made entirely out of meatballs (allegedly)?


This morning, Trump picked up where he left off, because that Fox News isn't gonna tweet about itself!

How do we know this is Trump copying off of Steve Doocy's paper? Because Steve Doocy said his daughter's Obamacare premiums are too high on "Fox & Friends" this morning:

It's true that Obamacare premiums in some states are outrageously high. It's also true that they've gone way up because of all the shit Republicans and Trump have done to fuck with the law. So if Steve Doocy's daughter is having issues with her premiums, she should tell her dad to pull his tongue out of Trump's ass and READ A BOOK on why her premiums have gotten so damn high.

For this last one, we can't link you the tweet, because Dipshit just deleted it. It took him approximately three hours to correct the obvious error.


That's right, Grandpa can't spell the one thing that gets his dick hard, which is WALL, the one that will protect BOARDER.

We're sure he'll say more dumb shit today, because that's what he does every day.

For now, though, this post is over.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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John McCain died last year without ever being president.

He was supposed to be president. He was beloved by the media, hailed as a statesman-like old white guy who could appeal to most people, especially all those people "in the middle" who we all assume just don't really think too hard about things. He lost the presidency to a black man named Barack Obama, who half the country thought was a socialist.

Bob Dole. Al Gore. John Kerry. John McCain. Mitt Romney. America has left a bloody trail of boring-ass, "statesman-like" white guys who were "supposed" to be president. They were supported, in a milquetoast fashion, by people who assumed that they were generally unobjectionable enough for all those "other" people to vote for. And they all lost to the kind of candidates they were never supposed to lose to.

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