Good News, Donald Trump Might Not Even Serve As President If He's Elected!

The baby might not WANNA do presidenting.

You know how Donald Trump's run for president is mostly about his thin-skinned ego? And also you know how, at heart, he's nothing more than a common reality TV star? Has anybody checked to see if NBC has been following Trump all these months, filming for an upcoming fake reality show called "Any Old Idiot Can Get Elected US American President," where they chronicle the Craziest Thing Ever, an unhinged man-baby buffoon like Donald Trump actually getting elected to serve as the leader of the free world?

All these questions come to mind reading a New York Times piece that quotes Donald J. Trump, presumptive Republican nominee, failing to answer with a solid "YES, LORD!" whether he would actually serve as president, were he to be elected:

Presented in a recent interview with a scenario, floating around the political ether, in which the presumptive Republican nominee proves all the naysayers wrong, beats Hillary Clinton and wins the presidency, only to forgo the office as the ultimate walk-off winner, Mr. Trump flashed a mischievous smile.

“I’ll let you know how I feel about it after it happens,” he said ...

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Hahahaha, he might fleece the dumbass rubes who love him, for their love and their money, and having gotten them all riled up about Making America Great Again, he might skate away to defraud his next victims. Funny, it sounds like the political version of Trump University and Trump Institute!

What's that sound? Oh, it's just the Hillary campaign's trusty videographers firing up their machines to make LOL ads about how Trump hates America so much he's willing to abuse the political process of choosing America's highest elected official, in order to soothe his insecurities about his minuscule "hands."

Look, we know Trump doesn't actually want to do the hard parts of being president. He wants to be the "chairman of the board," not the "CEO, let alone the COO," according to Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort. He wants the glitz, the glamour, and the adoration. (And maybe he's ready to trade Melania in for a newer model.)

We also know Trump was planted in the race by Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch, after a top secret meeting held at the center of the earth, to be such a batshit GOP candidate that Hillary would be virtually guaranteed the presidency. (Just joshing! That's a conspiracy theory, you silly goose!)

But oh God, what if Trump actually got elected? What if all of a sudden Barack Obama was giving him the keys to the White House and saying, "LMAO good luck, ugly racist ferret toupée crybaby appleheaded vagina mouth twit boy"? Maybe that's not what Trump really wanted after all!

So what would happen if Trump was elected, then decided he'd rather stay home in Trump Tower and eat those authentic Mexican taco bowls and build border walls with Legos and diamonds on his living room floor? Luckily, the New York Times phoned a friend and found out:

Alexander Keyssar, a historian at Harvard who is working on a book about the Electoral College, said the process of succession would depend on “the precise moment at which he said, ‘Nah, never mind.’ ”

The party representatives who make up the Electoral College would suddenly have real power rather than a rubber stamp. If Mr. Trump bowed out after winning on Nov. 8 but before the electors met in each state to cast their ballots on Dec. 19, then the electors could have the opportunity to vote for another candidate, Professor Keyssar said.

A majority of the 538 electors would be Republicans, but they might not agree on the best alternative candidate. If no one won a majority of the electors, the contest between the top three vote-getters — one of whom would presumably be Mrs. Clinton — would go to the House of Representatives, where each state would be given one vote, while the Senate would select the vice president. House Republicans hold 33 states to the Democrats’ 14, with three evenly split. It is unclear whether the vote would take place before or after newly elected representatives were seated.

Everybody bow down to your new president, Dead Reagan Farts!

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Keyssar says if the electoral vote has already been taken but hasn't been officially counted when/if Trump runs away like the piece of shit he is, it's "unclear what would happen." OR if everything has been counted, but Trump decides he'd rather start a failed TV network instead of presidenting, then probably, as per the 20th Amendment -- which actually addresses what happens if the president-elect DIES -- the vice president-elect (Ivanka) would become president.

Or maybe Ivanka will tell daddy dearest to fuck off, what with how he hates jooz like her (allegedly!) and Omarosa or somebody can be president. She was fun on "The Apprentice"!

[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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