GOP: Barack Obama’s Command Over The Weather Means We Will Pay More For Cedar Cheese And Those Cakes We Like


Remember “Julia,” the main character in an Obama campaign website who goes through her childhood and adolescence suckling off the government teat before becoming a web designer and taking birth control pills? Well, now she is back, courtesy of a GOP Political Action Committee, and her grocery bill is TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL. This is because 1) she seems to be buying enough groceries to assemble an entire cow, from scratch and 2) because Obama is in charge of the weather AND the free market and has used his magical weather powers to cause this summer’s drought and the subsequent rise in food prices. But for the purposes of critical analysis, here is her shopping list. We are saddened to report that she is not planning on picking up any cedar cheese. Or those cakes we like. We'll get over it though, with effort.

On the bright side, she can maybe make those cakes we like, using the white flour and the 33 80-oz packages of white sugar. Or console herself by starting Atkins and kicking it off with a veritable feast of ground beef, all uncooked beef steaks, sliced bacon, chicken legs, ground chuck beef, turkey, boneless ham, all pork chops, and boneless chuck roast.

At least Obamacare will cover Julia's adult-onset diabetes, so there is always that.



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