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Is he wearing pants in this picture? MAYBE.


What excitement, what glee, the Republicans on the House Select Committee on Benghazi released their long-awaited report Tuesday, and it was full of such damning revelations that Hillary Clinton is currently on her way to federal prison wearing only a pantsuit and sadness. Just kidding, the report was a fuckin' turd that featured almost no new information, and certainly wasn't the #GameChanger committee chair Rep. Trey Gowdy wanted it to be.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603495/house-republican-benghazi-report-fails-to-convict-hillary-clinton-of-murder-again"></a>[/wonkbar]But all the Republican woodland creatures on the committee put their best faces forward in a presser Tuesday, insisting their study was SO important, and that they had NOT just wasted millions of hours and taxpayer dollars on a political witch-hunt that failed to find even one single witch. It did not go very well.

If you'll remember, Reps. Jim Jordan and Mike Pompeo sticked their own addendum onto the official GOP report, about how GRRRRR they hate Hillary, and both spoke at the presser to say that GRRRRR they hate Hillary.

Here's Pompeo bitching that Obama's and Hillary's actions that night were "morally reprehensible," when they lied to America just to get Obama re-elected, or whatever it is these brainiacs believe:

It wasn't about a YouTube video, and it wasn't about a bunch of folks out for a walk. And when Secretary Clinton said, "What difference does it make?" We can now, as a result of our work over the last year and a half, tell you what difference it makes.

Oh Jesus Christ, the YouTube thing again. As Wonk pal Charlie Pierce remarked, this is just more of the GOP's obsession with the idea that "saying something that proves to be wrong on The Sunday Showz is a crime against democracy for which there is no adequate punishment."

But the real star of the press conference, by which we mean the chunkiest turd in the punchbowl, was Trey Gowdy, who insists there was nothing political about this investigation, that the Democrats were the real obstructionists, and that he ain't here to tell you who to blame (Hillary). He's just a-hopin' you read his report and like it real good, for he broke many a thesaurus writin' it up. He trusts that you will come to the correct (Hilllary murderrrrrr) conclusions. You'll do that for him, won't you?

Here are a few of the dumbest exchanges Gowdy had with reporters during Tuesday's press conference:

REPORTER: Do you believe, after doing this for two years, spending all of your time and millions of dollars, do you believe that based on this, that the American people should look at this and see that the woman who wants to be president has culpability?

GOWDY: I was with you until the last clause of your statement. I think the American people oughta look at it. They oughta look at it because fellow Americans died and fellow Americans were injured and fellow Americans went to heroic lengths to save other Americans. What conclusions they draw after reading it is up to them!

REPORTER: Do you disagree with Mr. Pompeo and Mr. Jordan? Because they do draw conclusions.

Trey Gowdy ain't know! Here's another exchange:

REPORTER: Is there one entity or one person to whom you lay most of the blame after this analysis?

GOWDY: That's gonna be in the eyes of my fellow citizens, I'm not in the business of apportioning culpability ...

Certainly not to anybody whose name rhymes with KILLARY PILLORY SHILLARY!

One more exchange, just to show you how pitiful his failure to come up with jackshit on Hillary is:

REPORTER: There are bumper stickers and t-shirts all over this country that say, "Hillary Clinton lied, people died." ... Is that true?

GOWDY: You don't see that t-shirt on me, and you've never seen that bumper sticker on any of my vehicles, and you've never heard me comment on that.

REPORTER: Does your report shed any light on that invective?

GOWDY: Um, have you read it?

REPORTER: Well, I'm asking you.

GOWDY: I'm asking you to read it. I'm not going to tell you what to be on the lookout for.

Trey Gowdy ain't gonna spoiler alert his new action-packed novel about Benghazi, no siree!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595254/what-the-benghazi-hearing-taught-us-republicans-are-dicks-hillary-already-president"></a>[/wonkbar]Look, this investigation was just about askin' questions, y'all. Gowdy ain't got no personal vendetta against Hillary Clinton, even though his committee interrogated her for 11 damn hours and spent more time delving into Hillary's fucking email relationship with Sidney Blumenthal than it did worrying about FOUR DEAD AMERICANS.

So come on, patriotic Americans. Will you just read Gowdy's report? Haha, just kidding, Gowdy knows Hillary-hatin' Republicans can't/won't read something 800 pages long. In fact, he's counting on it.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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