A number of Republicans are having a contest this week to see who can grandstand the most about their sad shithead pet issues, and they're literally doing it over people's grandmas' dead bodies. (They died of coronavirus because they couldn't get a test for it because the Trump administration and Congress couldn't get its shit together and fucking deal with the issue.)

This morning we told you about what Rand Paul is up to, because we guess Rand Paul had a panic attack this week, worried that maybe the coronavirus pandemic crisis wasn't all about him, so he decided to throw a wrench in the gears with a bullshit unrelated doomed amendment, like he always does. The Senate will vote on the bill sometime today, now that Paul has successfully made Moscow Mitch Fucking McConnell look like a goddamned statesman, when McConnell told Senate Republicans they might not be in love with the House bill, but suck it up, buttercup.

Now let's talk about Rep. Andy Biggs, who was one of 40 Republicans not to vote for the Families First Coronavirus Response Act, the package swiftly passed last weekend by Nancy Pelosi's House of Representatives. You see, the bill has sick leave in it for "domestic partnerships," and in the pre-2015-marriage-equality days, where Biggs's brain apparently still lives, "domestic partnership" is code for "gay stuff" is code for "butt stuff" is code for "THAT'S A SIN!"

The Intercept reports that Biggs, who represents Arizona's Fifth District, and who also voted to essentially take Russia's side in its war on Ukraine, explained his vote in an interview with the Family Research Council, a Southern Poverty Law Center-designated hate group.


"They've redefined family for the first time in a federal — in a piece of federal legislation, to include committed relationships" [...]

"The problem with that is it's really hard to define a committed relationship, and it's really hard to define anything related to that."

Except it is defined in the bill:

The provision that raised Biggs's ire, which references "committed relationships," is a subsection of the paid sick leave provision of the bill. It defined children eligible for care under the proposed law as a "biological, foster, or adopted child, a stepchild, a child of a domestic partner."

In other words, if you're in a committed relationship with somebody and they have a child, you're covered to care for that child. And it defined what "domestic partnership" means too. It wasn't fucking confusing. (Here is a good summary of the bill, if you want one.)

And again, it is 2020, not 2014, which means that the bill already covers all married couples, which includes married gay couples, Andy Biggs, you fucking dumbshit.

None of this was complicated, but that didn't stop whichever pig-sucking bigot was hosting the Family Research Council radio show from agreeing and saying "RIGHT!" when Biggs said it was just impossible to define a committed relationship. The Intercept notes also that despite what Biggs said, there was nothing new about this language, and that it's been in sick leave legislation since 2015.

Anyway, Biggs is also upset about the part of the coronavirus relief bill that's all about Big 'Bortions, because Republicans have been lying all week and saying Nancy Pelosi snuck some big money into the bill for Big 'Bortions. Biggs even said on Fox's "America's Newsroom" that because there wasn't a provision in the bill that specifically said NO BIG 'BORTIONS! then "you could spend up to a billion dollars effectively on state-sponsored abortions, state-funded abortions." Makes total sense.

If you end up knowing somebody who dies of coronavirus, remember what congressmen like Andy Biggs were saying.

Media Matters rounded up more, so you can bookmark that if you'd like. For instance House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who lied and said Pelosi "wanted to change the law and have taxpayer pay for abortion," in the coronavirus relief bill. And Tucker Carlson, who said, "This virus does not kill children — they wanted to fix that." He's not in Congress, but we just felt like shaming his sad ass real quick.

If you're curious who else in Congress literally doesn't care if your Nana dies of coronavirus if it means they don't get to grandstand about their whiny-ass self-centered bullshit, Louie Gohmert held up the bill before its passage, whining that there hadn't been enough debate on the House floor, as if time isn't of the essence here. Once his hold was lifted, he, like Biggs, voted against it.

On top of Biggs and Gohmert, 38 other Republicans voted against the bill, and they happen to heavily overlap with the worst, most disgusting and un-American reps who showed their asses during the Trump impeachment. Like Jim Jordan, for instance. But to be fair, maybe he was concerned the coronavirus relief bill didn't include enough protections for sports medicine docs who want to molest college wrestlers with a minimum of social distancing.

The New York Times has the full list, if you'd like to save it for naming-and-shaming purposes.

Fuck all these people, and send your thoughts 'n' prayers that not too many people die because of their balls-out stupidity, ignorance and lack of concern for their fellow Americans.

[The Intercept]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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