GOP Convention Guests Get To Potty Next To ALL The Trans Folk In Cleveland, Yippee!
GOP convention-goers running away from trans folk, probably.
Oh, Cleveland, maybe the rumors are true and you DO rock:
Cleveland City Council on Wednesday passed legislation empowering transgender people to choose whichever restroom, shower or locker room aligns with their gender identity, without fear of discrimination. [...]
The legislation removes a passage from the existing nondiscrimination ordinance that allowed for owners of private business with "public accommodations" to discriminate based on a person's gender identity or expression and dictate which bathroom a person should use, "provided reasonable access to adequate facilities is available."
But ... but ... but ... all these lame-asses in the GOP are going to Cleveland to Make America Great Again with Donald Trump! They didn't sign up to have to worry about a man in a dress applying his Maybelline next to YOUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS!
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602974/anderson-cooper-tells-florida-attorney-general-pam-bondi-to-sit-her-ass-down"></a>[/wonkbar]Won't somebody think of all the (pitiful) GOP convention speakers? What if Tim Tebow gets so emotional about giving his virginity to Jesus onstage that he gets the runs, but he has to poop his pants because a trans man might be in the public bathroom taking a leak? Or what if Anderson Cooper decides to be mean to Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi (AGAIN!), and she just wants to whizz her sadness away, but SHE CAN'T because Caitlyn Jenner, REPUBLICAN TRANS PERSON, is in the potty, putting in contact solution or something? Caitlyn is going to the convention, it could happen!
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600482/louie-gohmert-would-have-gotten-a-stiffie-and-heres-why"></a>[/wonkbar]Think about the other attendees, also too! Is Mike Huckabee showing up? What about Louie Gohmert? Because we know both of those men have a documented history of getting that tingly bzzzzz feeling in their granny panties when they think of the possibility of transgender people using showers. What if they want to work their manly bodies at the Planet Fitness while they're in Cleveland, but they can't, because their transgender fantasy boners have lasted longer than four hours?
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602053/iowa-rep-steve-king-worried-transgenders-will-make-ladies-armpits-all-gross-and-sweaty"></a>[/wonkbar]And none of this even takes into account Iowa Rep. Steve King's very clear and present fear that if you let trans folk run roughshod all over the potties of Ohio, all the cisgender ladies will be full of sweaty armpit steam, due to how they will refuse to wash their stank bodies after they go to the gym.
Do you all see the problems here? Do you not see that, in a convention where violence is already going to be a concern, held in an open-carry state, thousands of Republican convention-goers will not only be angry, but they'll also be HOLDING THEIR PEE AND POO FOR A WHOLE WEEK, due to their irrational fear of transgender folk?
Oh well, we'll just have to see what happens, but if things go wrong, it's the Republicans' fault, for being sad, dumb bigots. We hope they enjoy their time in Cleveland!