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GOP Hacks: Donald Trump 'Makes Our Loins Tingle' (Paraphrase)

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  • Republican Party officials from all over the world are eager to see Donald Trump run for president, because "he's got people fired up" and "more and more people are talking about [the thing on his head]." Polls show that voters are attracted to Donald Trump, especially since he calls non-white people "the blacks." But that's not all! As President, Donald Trump will use Google Maps to locate the condo in Kenya where Barack Obama was born. How is Obama supposed to compete with a populist platform like that? This news article claims Americans don't even notice "mainstream" candidates like "Mitt Romney," except when they see him in a Brooks Brothers catalog, modeling a pair of handsomepants. Anyway! Trump/Bachmann 2012, just as the Ancient Mexicans predicted. [AP]
  • Policemen in Camden, Pennsylvania New Jersey fired thirty-three bullets at a puppy that was "running to greet" them with friendly licks. Miraculously, the puppy survived! Just kidding. The pigs murdered him. [MSNBC]


  • Sixty-four percent of Americans support raising taxes on the rich. Outrageous. This nation has become as Red as Joe Stalin. [McClatchy]

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