LISTEN UP ROBERT


Oh, southern people with our folksy catchphrases! Sometimes it's "bless your heart," or sometimes it is Tennessee GOP Senator Bob Corker (who is, ahem, OUR SENATOR, and therefore also represents the state's dirty liberals, in theory), describing his current strategy for trying to keep President Donald Trump from destroying the entire world with his undying love for Vladimir Putin, and also with his Twitter account:

“What I see happening is an evolution,” Corker tells me, ticking off a list of issues like the embassy move, the U.S. commitment to NATO, and sanctions on Russia where Trump has not yet moved forward despite public vows to proceed in a disruptive fashion. “We should attempt … to take those nuggets that are real and help as a Senate evolve them into a policy that is positive,” Corker says. “It’s taking nuggets, massaging them to a little bit different place.”

What we think OUR SENATOR is saying is that once in a while, Trump realizes he can't just do whatever he wants, and some Republican senators don't agree with the president on a whole hell of a lot, especially as pertains to foreign policy, so when Trump provides them a "nugget" of hope, they should gently massage that nugget with their hands, in the romance way.

Gross, Bob Corker, who is again OUR SENATOR.

Corker's comments come in a long podcast interview in Politico that's interesting if you're looking for insight into what's going on in the minds of some Republican senators, who face the predicament of having one-party control over the nation (God help us), yet are led by an unpredictable president who doesn't know anything about anything, and who isn't really a "Republican" by any normal definition of the word.

The good senator from Chattanooga tells Politico that when he went that fateful day to Trump Tower to interview for the secretary of State spot now occupied by the gentleman from Exxon, the Trump team was planning to move the American embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem in literally the first minutes of the new administration, like when Trump was still taking the oath of office with his tiny hand on his never-opened Bible. Corker sees that Trump hasn't yet implemented such a move -- which would set off HELL in the Middle East -- as a "nugget" he and other Republicans might be able to "massage." He's also happy that, though Trump came out of the gate pissing off China and crapping on NATO, the president might have had a slight come to Jesus on those issues (yeah right), and Corker hopes maybe he and his GOP pals can use their influence behind the scenes to get Trump's nuggets all slippery and happy, to make Trump not blow up the whole galaxy.

What an idiot. Do you mind if we call you "What an idiot," Sen. Corker, since you are OUR SENATOR?

Because Corker acts like he and his pals are in the background doing their best to influence Trump, but is that working? Is he making deals with Trump? Are nuggets getting massaged real good? Not so, according to the Politico interview:

So far ... Corker’s not been making deals with Trump so much as massaging bruised egos and reassuring worried leaders from around the world, like the Australian ambassador to the United States whom Corker and other congressional Republicans took the unusual step of calling after reports of Trump’s belligerent phone call with the Australian prime minister. Trump cleanup duty has also involved meeting with anxious allies like Jordan’s King Abdullah and the Canadian and German foreign ministers, in town looking for clues to navigating the new Trump Washington.

Were they “scared to death,” as former Secretary of State Jim Baker observed in the inaugural edition of The Global Politico? Yes, says Corker. “They’re shaken up by some of what’s happening and wondering how they should approach us and the administration.”

Sounds real fun, Senator.

Some other tidbits from the brain of Bob Corker, who, as Politico notes, is seen as one of the less dumb and crazy Republican senators:

  • In that meeting at Trump Tower, Corker and Trump agreed on not a damn thing: "Yes, we went around the world. I did find myself in most cases – in almost every case but maybe one – offering an alternative view" ...
  • Bob Corker does not want to massage Vladimir Putin's nuggets, saying “I do not see Russia as a friend of the United States in any form or fashion.” Glad to hear it, sir! Corker says Trump probably loves Putin so much because Orange Hitler has "a degree of admiration for a strongman. I’m sorry. I think that part is somewhat real." Is Senator Corker saying he quietly agrees that Trump is showing signs of being a dictatorial thug?
  • Corker thinks his GOP pals John McCain and Lindsey Graham are going about opposing Trump the wrong way, by getting all up in his grille, instead of massaging his nuggets: “Is that really the best way to approach a double-down kind of president? Or is it best to help the team and others evolve to a different place? Is that a better approach? That’s the approach right now that I’m taking.”

Yeah no.

We understand the desire to influence Trump from the inside, but we'd suggest Corker is deluding himself here. Yes, it's true that Trump can be psychologically manipulated, if you tell him he's pretty and that he has normal-sized hands and a good brain and the best words. However, Bill Kristol points out a problem with this in a wide-ranging New York Times piece that quotes a whole bunch of GOP senators, including Corker, on how they're approaching Fuehrer Trump (oh God have we reached the point of crazy where we are quoting Bill Kristol approvingly?):

“They’re mostly ignoring him, humoring him occasionally while the rest of the family gets along fine, enjoys the turkey and watches the game,” said William Kristol, the former editor of The Weekly Standard. “But he’s not just a bit player or a guest. He’s the president.”

Yes, Trump is the president. Of AMERICA. And we already know who massages Trump's nuggets the best, and that is President Steve Bannon, a crazy person who LITERALLY wants to destroy all the institutions of America and bring about a full regime change.

So, OUR SENATOR, what we at Wonkette are saying is that instead of trying to finesse the crazy man in the White House, the one who it sure looks like is being blackmailed by Vladimir Putin, who sure seems to be using the presidency for his own family's personal financial gain, who is widely untrusted by the American intelligence community, and who cannot even be left alone with a Twitter account, much less the nuclear codes, can some Republican senators stand up and be fucking patriots, please?

And we figured since you, Bob Corker, are OUR SENATOR, then it's your job to goddamn listen to us, your constituent, even if we are a goddamn dirty Democrat.

(Also, we almost voted for you one time, as a personal protest over how Harold Ford Jr. sucks, but that's a story for another time.)

DO THE RIGHT THING, ASSHOLE.

Love,

Yr Tennessee Wonkette

[Politico / New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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