Yesterday, John Kennedy, that GOP yokel hickfart senator from Louisiana who actually studied at Oxford, so at least part of his shtick is literally just a shtick, was questioning a Biden nominee named Hampton Dellinger, who's up to head the Justice Department's Office of Legal Policy. And Kennedy was just real rootin' tootin' fresh 'n' fruitin' mad about this tweet Dellinger had tweeted a while back, what appeared to be discriminatory against (white) Republican men.

It's true, if Republican white men chose to voluntarily remove themselves from all positions of governmental influence in American life, tens of millions of people's lives would almost instantaneously improve and America would have a shot at becoming a truly great nation. Congress would be so productive. People's bodily autonomy would be protected, and decisions about things like abortion would be between people and their doctors, where they belong. #BANWHITEREPUBLICANMEN

Sure, there would be some pro-forced-birth Republican women around, but some of them probably would at least try to find common ground with the Democratic men and women. Meanwhile, everybody could take turns hiding Marsha Blackburn's backpack and stuffing her into lockers, that would be some good common ground they'd all probably find, can't imagine anybody truly likes her, Marsha Blackburn is a fucking dick.

In other words, WHAR'S THE LIE, JOHN KENNEDY?

So Kennedy decided to put on his best confrontin' pants and confronted Dellinger about his very good tweet, saying, "Here it is, bigger than Dallas!" (The tweet was very big, apparently. Not some kinda weenus "Fort Worth" tweet.)


Kennedy asked Dellinger, "Do you think that my votes with respect to abortion are based on the fact that I want to control women?" (LOL duh, no shit, my dude.) Dellinger said he couldn't speak to that.

Kennedy wasn't happy:

KENNEDY: WHYYYYYD YEW SAY IT? IN FRONT OF GOD AND COUNTRY?

Because it's fucking true? Also is Twitter really "in front of God and country?" Is God extremely online?

Dellinger explained that the Supreme Court has spoken on all of this, saying he "[believes] that the reproductive rights established in Roe vs. Wade, and then then dealt with in Casey, June Medical, and other Supreme Court decisions are important."

But Kennedy was still pretty upset Dellinger characterized Republican men who vote against abortion rights as misogynists. (Cry more, you fuckin' Deliverance extra.)

So he decided to impose what sure appeared to be religious test on the nominee:

KENNEDY: Do you believe in God?

He sounded like a Baptist pastor, his hick voice breaking with performative empathy, as if he were truly worried the sinner in front of him was in danger of being ripped to shreds and murdered into hell by an all-loving yet extremely pissy deity.

"Senator, I have faith," responded Dellinger.

KENNEDY: Did it ever occur to you that some people may base their position on abortion on their faith?

Yes, well, a lot of Christians do believe their religion is primarily a competition over whether God hates abortions or the homosexuals more. Calling it a "faith" is stretching it.

Dellinger said yes, he appreciates that some people have different beliefs about abortion from his own.

KENNEDY: You sure don't tweet it! Have you ever tweeted that?

Oh fuck off.

If you want to read some actual analysis of what Kennedy did in that hearing, from a constitutional perspective, and whether it actually violates the "religious test" clause, Mark Joseph Stern gotcha covered over at Slate. But if you want to stay over here where cussing is allowed, remember that time Dianne Feinstein told Amy Coney Barrett that "the dogma lives loudly in you," regarding her weirdo-bonkers conservative Catholic beliefs, and all the (white Republican) senators (who would make the world better if they'd just fuck off and go somewhere else) had melodramatic heart attacks about how Feinstein had imposed a religious test and murdered the baby Jesus, by calling Amy Comet Ping Pong a wackjob? Even John Kennedy whined from the depths of his belly full of jelly that the Democrats were doing religious bigotry to her.

Oh well, guess the rules are just different when you're a white male Republican (who should fuck off).

OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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