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Except for how Tennessee just killed Jesus.


God got some bad news Thursday. Last week the Almighty was so excited when some of His favorite children in the Tennessee legislature voted to make the Bible the state's official book. Finally, some recognition for his 6,000 years of effort at doing God stuff! But the mean Republican governor of Tennessee, a man by the name of Bill Haslam, won't let that happen, probably because he wanted another book like the Southern Living Cookbook or 50 Shades Of Grey:

Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam on Thursday vetoed a bill that would have made the Bible the state’s official book.

“In addition to the constitutional issues with the bill, my personal feeling is that this bill trivializes the Bible, which I believe is a sacred text,” Haslam (R) wrote in a letter to the speaker of the statehouse.

“If we believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, then we shouldn’t be recognizing it only as a book of historical and economic significance,” continued Haslam. “If we are recognizing the Bible as a sacred text, then we are violating the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Tennessee by designating it as the official state book.”

PFFFFFT WHATEVER, BILL. How could you possibly trivialize the Bible by making it official? Did raccoons get "trivialized" when they became the official Tennessee state wild animal? Did the catfish get "marginalized" when it became Tennessee's official fish? Did milk get "microaggressioned" when it became Tennessee's official drink to put in your mouth?

We think not.

And PFFFFFFFFT, the "Constitution." Sure, liberals are saying if you pick a religious book as your state book and try to pretend you're only choosing it because of its "historical and cultural contribution to the state of Tennessee" (according to the bill's sponsor, Republican state Sen. Steve Southerland), then you're somehow endorsing one religion over another. Are there even other religions in Tennessee that count? As if!

Tennessee legislators tried to do this last year, but they failed. And they've been doing other fun things too (when they're not sexting and harassing women), like trying to add words to the state Constitution about what a balls-out badass savior Jesus Christ is, stuff like that. But none of it seems to work! One school district in Tennessee can't even give free Bibles out to its kiddies, because of that dumb "Constitution" thing again, grrrrrr.

Oh well, since Gov. Haslam's veto pen is obviously fully erect and leaking, Wonkette suggests that he also veto this bill, which would allow therapists to reject gay people on account of their "sincerely held principles." Hey, he already murdered the Bible this week, so WHY NOT do some fun gay agenda stuff? Come on, Gov. Haslam, BE A SPORT!

[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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