Grab A Bucket Of Champagne And Read Wonkette's Top Ten Posts OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR
Don't you want to relive the garbage fire again some more?
Well, hello, whoever is reading these New Year's Eve posts! If you are reading these, we are pretty sure you are a die-hard reader who reads everything Wonkette ever writes. But there's a chance you missed your daily Wonkette here and there during this garbage fire of a year, maybe because everything was too terrible and you just couldn't that day. In which case, you might have missed some of the biggest-performing posts of the year. So today, you get your top 10 Wonkette posts of the WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR, the ones the most people clicked on and at least probably read.
Are they actually the biggest stories of the year? Maybe, but not necessarily! Sometimes posts get front-paged at Reddit and they end up with one million people reading them every day for a whole week. Let's take a look:
Coming in at number 10 is "The Trumps Bug Out," a satirical funny piece about the Trumps arguing over which Trump gets to be president next, while Melania loots the White House, contributed by Wonkette contributor Ali Davis! It was a very good post!
At number nine, we have "Something Is Definitely Up With All the White People Doing Vandalism At The George Floyd Protests." And you know what?There was .
Number eight is "TX Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick: God Just Gonna Keep Killing Black People Until We All Love Him Enough." Dan Patrick is an awful piece of shit, and this ranked up there with the most awful shit he said and did the whole year. Then again, it's a really common argument from white racists, that they're just really broken up by racism and Black folks getting murdered, but oh well, maybe if people loved Jesus more this wouldn't happen. In other words, it's not their fault.
Coming in at number seven is one of our 59 election results liveblogs, "Can We PLEASE Close The Deal Today? Election Results Liveblog, Day Three!" If you want to go back and relive all that, what is wrong with you?
Number six was a totally normal post about a normal thing: "QAnon Idiots Very Concerned About Mole Children Now." Like we said, NORMAL. REASONABLE. SENSIBLE.
You betcha.
That right there is a "sports" .gif, which is appropriate because number five is "Wonkette STICK TO SPORTS!" It was about a shitty company called The Maven absolutely boning the shit out ofSports Illustrated , which was a good segue into the story of how The Maven tried to take over Wonkette once, and Wonkette said no, no, no. This post was also one of those posts where Wonkette explains that because we DID remain woman-owned and independent, we rely 100 percent on you for your financial support. So why don't you hit the donation and subscription buttons if you haven't done that lately?
THANKS.
Number four is "Susan Collins Is Concerned, And That Can Only Mean One Thing." It means she is concerned, that is the one thing it means. It never means she will actually follow through. Ever.
Number three is "Trump Getting Ready To Sign A Big Old Stack Of Get Out Of Jail Free Cards." And he did! We haven't seen the ones for the kids yet, or the attempted self-pardon, but we can be sure they are coming.
Number two? "No One Can Bake Bread Anymore Because This Lady Needs All The Yeast For Herself."
THAT was some shit that pissed off the entire internet at the beginning of this godawful pandemic.
And finally, at number one, another person who pissed off the entire internet. This blog post got like ONE BILLION page views because it was on the front page of Reddit for a week, and it was "Oregon Nurse On Leave After Telling TikTok How Bad She Is At Her Job." Apparently people don't like nurses who don't take proper COVID-19 precautions, and then brag about it, on TikTok.
There you have it, Wonklets! The stories you read the most the entire year!
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That's just silly. Everyone knows it was "Tie me kangaroo down, sport." by Rolf Harris
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