Hey, Chris Matthews is doing the MC duties. Shouldn't they get a Republican or something. Anyway, here we go. We're watching on MSNBC right now, because it's not on any other channel. For some reason we thought this was on ABC, but here in LA the ABC station is just showing the shitty local news -- which means, PARIS HILTON ON TRIAL. Anyway, it's apparently MSNBC.

* There's Nancy with Arnold. He must be having a reverse mid-life crisis, running around with an elderly Reagan gal and leaving his middle-aged Kennedy wife at home.

* Thank god for that kid's dorm-room interview with Ron Paul -- now we know what he looks like!

* Romney is dressed as John Travolta dressed as a space monster from Scientology! Ha ha, that is not totally true.

* Remarkable amount of bald heads and bald spots up there. None of those people will be president, ever.

* Also, so short! Here is one thing about Ronald Reagan: Tall, full head of hair.

* Ohhh, "From MSNBC and Politico.com" ... really? Maybe Wonkette will host the next one, with Animal Planet.

* Shit, we don't want to be rude but we think Nancy Reagan died.

* Supposedly you can vote for questions on the Politico site, but we just tried it, and of course it doesn't work.

* NEW YORK CITY ... Rudy's first answer, let's see if he can finish the statement without saying 9/11. What? We have the "greatest health care system in the world"? By "greatest," we guess he means "none."

* McCain, on Iraq: "YOU MUST LIKE IRAQ WAR, THEN YOU WILL LIKE ME AND IRAQ WAR."

* WALNUTS! thinks the Florida House of Representatives applauded Al Qaeda winning the Iraq War ... Uhm, somebody put Grampa back to bed.

* Tommy Thompson looks like a big fucking cartoon frog.

* Talks like one, too. Shouty the Frog.

* Hi, Duncan. Which federal prison are you retiring to?

* Here comes Romney. He wants us to plug in our teevees and run the country. Wait, what?

* Mitt does have a) height and b) hair, so we guess even a Mormon Scientologist could be president.

* Brownback looks and sounds like the guy on the Sit 'n Sleep commercials, with a slight John Edwards' lisp.

* Huckabee's a sick mofo: "Generals with blood on their boots and medals on their chests."

* Jim Gilmore, so that's who that guy is! So he's still in the race, is that right? Or is he just asking questions for the Politico.com?

* Speaking of, it looks like America's web-design schools are failing especially terribly:

* McCain's "trip wire" is basically whatever voice in his head says "IT'S MY DESTINY ... IT'S MY DESTINY."

* Tancredo looks sorta like our Mexican gardener, but he doesn't speak English as well.

* Rudy thinks it's still the Cold War.

* Gilmore and Thompson should just merge and become Thompsmore, because otherwise we will never figure out which is which without the name flashing underneath.

* Hey, you think any of these people maybe might mention something about, oh, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA???? You know, that place where we live, and sorta work?

* They're all crazy, with the exception of Ron Paul, who is surely crazy in a secret way.

* Ha ha, they took our question. We are "Sarah."

* Oh please change the Constitution. It's not like anybody in the White House follows it.

* They all are scared to death of Arnold running.

* Arnold and the Law & Order guy.

* Hey, even in a joke WALNUTS! shows he's an amoral opportunist bag of ancient shit.

* Romney won't admit what he hates most about America: Christians.

* Tancredo's plan for more organ donations: Harvest them from Mexicans! (Really, wtf is up with these questions, and why is David Duchovny behind them all?)

* Hey, Duncan Hunter, fuck you.

* Regarding Ron Paul's point about eliminating the IRS: The funny thing is that we pay about 40% of our income in federal, state, local and sales tax, yet there's very little in the way of "cradle to grave" European welfare state stuff, so we've got the worst of both worlds. Yayyyy, USA.

* They've sorta got to do this abortion stuff to win a GOP primary, but there is perhaps nothing more disgusting than a gang of rich old creepy men chanting their cult-like bullshit about ruling women's uterus. Uteri? What the hell is the plural of that?

* New liveblogging post here. Come on over!