Glenn Greenwald Taking Assange Arrest Really Hard, Y'all, Bless His Heart

Glenn Greenwald is a person who cares about transparency and has only the purest of intentions, because his journalistic mission in life is to root out corruption and improper spying and all the bad stuff governments do, and ... um ... lots of other high-minded stuff. Yep, he is that kind of person. Or at least he plays one on TV.


Briefly, before we move on, a note. We get that many of our readers think well of Assange, and Greenwald, and Edward Snowden, and we understand that! It does not make you a bad person. But if you've got an hour, well, here's why you're wrong. It's not because the three are Ron Paul weirdo libertarian racists; that just means they should shut up about being more progressive than other people who are actually progressive. It's not because they're BIASSSSSSS. Wonkette is a practitioner of BIASSSSSS journalism its own self, because that is how the Founders intended. It's mostly because ... well, it's mostly because they really really really seem to be working on behalf of Russia, yeah we fucking said it, because they hated Obama and Hillary Clinton THAT MUCH. And hacking for Russia really ISN'T journalism, even if Glenn Greenwald is caterwauling NO HACKING NO HACKING YOU ARE THE HACKING.

Now let's continue!

Quick, know how many tweets Greenwald has sent since Julian Assange was arrested? TRICK QUESTION, because the asshole has been tweeting in such a rapid-fire manner over the past 24 some-odd hours that it's impossible for scientists to get a full and accurate count. And as you might expect, he is MAD. He's almost as mad about this particular violation of the sacred right of journalists (using the term loosely) to publish information in the public interest as he's been at Republican Attorney General Bill Barr for hiding the Mueller report from Congress and the American people! HAHA WE KID, Glenn has been totally fine with Barr's cover-up. It's almost as if he has one standard for alleged criminals he really loves and adores, like Julian Assange, and a whole different standard for those he deems DEEP STATE RUSSIAGATE FAKE COLLUSION WITCH HOAXERS.

Aaron Rupar from Vox found these two Greenwald tweets and placed them side by side:

If Glenn Greenwald did not exist, intrepid TV writers would have to create him. He's just ... WOW.

Quick recap: Prosecutors have indicted Julian Assange for something that has zero to do with press freedoms or protecting sources. The allegation, boiled down to its simplest essence, spells out that Assange "agreed to assist [Chelsea] Manning in cracking a password stored on United States Department of Defense computers," and therein lies the difference between this and anything having to do with journalism. Greenwald wants us to be skeptical of the "Trump DOJ's accusations in a press release" (but not the Trump attorney general's "NO COLLUSION!" exonerations in a four page mash note), but those words we quoted right there come directly from the grand jury indictment in the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA).

As Rachel Maddow (Glenn's nemmmmessssssisssssss) explained on the TV last night, one of the things journos learn in journo school is that if you receive classified information from a source, you are not liable for publishing it, because that is part of the freedom of the press. BUT YOU CAN'T FUCKING HOLD YOUR SOURCE'S HAIR BACK WHILE THEY HACK THE CLASSIFIED INFORMATION and you sure as hell can't offer to HELP THEM.

Assange Arrest Puts WikiLeaks Tie To Donald Trump Camp Back In Spotlight | Rachel Maddow |

Maddow (Glenn's nemmmmmmmeessssssissssssssss) also made very clear that this is an indictment about something that happened long before WikiLeaks acted as a cut-out of the Russian Federation in carefully timing its releases of stolen material from the DNC and from the private email of John Podesta, Hillary Clinton's campaign chair. Of course, as Maddow (Glenn's nemmmmmmessssssssis) pointed out, WikiLeaks very much had its finger on the scale against Hillary Clinton, both working to encourage divisions between Clinton and Bernie Sanders supporters, and then in service of Trump. It was not journalistic behavior or anything resembling it.

That's all spelled out in Robert Mueller's indictment of all those Russian military intelligence hackers, who used an extremely willing WikiLeaks to aid in their mission of fucking around with the US election:

That's just one example. Remember all WikiLeaks's dirty sexts with Donald Trump Jr. during the campaign? Golly, we'd hate to encroach on the freedoms of those journalists.

And for comparison, let's remember that in 2016, WikiLeaks also received some really good dirt that would have made Russia look very bad, and declined to publish it. We bet it was for pure journalism reasons.

But as we said, what Julian Assange was indicted for months ago, and arrested for yesterday, has jackshit to do with all that. He could be indicted for more, but it'd have to happen fast, as Maddow (Glenn's ... well, YOU KNOW) explained last night that the Doctrine of Specialty provides that governments have to be really fucking clear with each other about the crimes they are seeking to prosecute when extraditing a suspect. As in, they can't say it's for one thing, and then suddenly turn around and say "PSYCH! Gonna do a different thing to Julian Assange now!" In other words, if we haven't seen a new indictment for Assange before he sets foot on US soil, there's probably not another one coming.

Shall we look at a curated selection of the most batshit tweets Glenn Greenwald has sent about Julian Assange, the very hairy, smelly, allegedly poop-smearing apple of his eye, over the last 24 hours?

It's kind of spelled out in the indictment, and now the government has to prove it in court, but, you know, details.

This one says WikiLeaks isn't a Russian agent and Trump is definitely not a Russian agent, because look what Trump just did to WikiLeaks, which is DEF NOT A RUSSIAN AGENT:

Glenn Greenwald sees the slippery slope of authoritarianism, and it is the Democrats who are about to LOCK HER UP Julian Assange:

In this one, Glenn Greenwald announces a new three-letter American national security organization, joining the FBI, the CIA and the NSA. It is NBC! The official media organ of DEEP STATE!


Here's Glenn playing cute about what the indictment actually says some more:

Greenwald is super-obsessed with making sure everybody knows that the allegations that Julian Assange tried to help Chelsea Manning hack a DoD password aren't new. In the interest of full transparency, Wonkette is now obsessed with you clicking this link to confirm that yes, Greenwald is correct about that. Wouldn't want him to accuse us of hiding the sausage or anything!

Here's some tweets from Glenn Greenwald about Bill Barr's handling of the Mueller report, just to give you whiplash (compiled by tweeter Nicholas Grossman):

(NARRATOR: And then Mueller's team went to the New York Times and the Washington Postand said something.)

When in doubt, move the goalposts! Anyway, back to Assange!

Whose fault is all this? Uh ... uh ... CHUCK SCHUMER'S FAULT!

Here's Glenn trying to own a New York Times reporter explaining the difference between publishing stolen material and HELPING THE SOURCE ACCESS THE STOLEN MATERIAL IN THE FIRST PLACE. It does not go well for Glenn, which is funny, because he has the last word in this tweet:

He's also pretty sure journalists only hate Julian Assange because Julian Assange is a better journalist than they are:

And finally, one of the recurring themes of Greenwald's tweeting has been that Obama's DoJ (Greenwald types totally hated Obama) thought about prosecuting WikiLeaks, but concluded it would be a threat to press freedom -- they were on the fence, TBH, and that was back when reasonable people argued over whether WikiLeaks was journalism, before it was common knowledge they had become a fully functioning asset of the Russian intelligence apparatus -- but now the Deep State Democrats are totally excited about it. In other words, Glenn is up his own ass again:

Although ... well ... it is kind of funny that Greenwald and his confrères spent so much time hating Obama and hating Hillary Clinton, and were all too happy to have Russia and WikiLeaks meddling in the election to throw it to Trump (while engaging in the world's most hilarious Russian interference denialism this side of "NO COLLUSION!"), and now Trump's DoJ has nabbed their boy.

Life comes atcha fast!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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