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Fox News dip-whistle Greta Van Susteren wants to see pictures of Pluto, you guys!!!! And she knows NASA drove by Pluto LAST YEAR and took some pretty pictures, why won't NASA let her seeeee themmmmmm? Pluto is her faaaaaaaavorite!!!! Come on, NAAAAAAAASA, show her the pictures of Pluuuuuuutooooo!

she wants to see them RIGHT NOW

Like, can't NASA just go to the Walgreens and say, "Hi, we are the space explorers, and we would like you to develop these rolls of film we took on our field trip to Pluto?" And can't the Walgreens say, "Yes, space friends, we should have these ready tomorrow after 5!" And couldn't NASA say, "Oh, but Greta the Fox News lady is REALLY excited about these pictures, like she's literally leaking pee everywhere on Twitter right now about her MOTHERFUCKING TAX DOLLARS, could you possibly do one-hour photo?" And couldn't Walgreens say, "Wait, we thought Todd Starnes was the one at Fox News who was into leaking pee?"

And couldn't they agree that yes, Todd Starnes is the resident Fox News pee enthusiast (sources allege), and just get the pictures developed, so Greta can SEEEEE THEMMMMMMMM?

One of the Pluto pics Greta has such a boner for.

Jezebel points us in the direction of a Gizmodo post explaining in 2015 that it really would take a long time for us, and Greta, to get to see pictures of Pluto that had just been taken. Yes, NASA and all the science guys knew in advance it would take OVER ONE WHOLE YEAR. The long version is, ahemthe long version, but the short version is that Pluto is three billion fucking miles away and space internets are SLOW.

Like, you know that thing when you are lying by the pool on your multi-million dollar estate property looking at cat videos on your iPad, and the King of Spain, who is visiting right now, says, "Ay dios mio, those gato videos sure have been buffering a long time!" And you say, "Yes, King of Spain, it's because my manor is so large and the modem is all the way over there in the east wing of the house, so it's gonna take a minute. Cool your fuckin' jets, your Royal Highness."

WELL IT'S EVEN SLOWER THAN THAT WHEN YOU HAVE TO SEND INFORMATION FROM THE EDGE OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM THROUGH OUTER SPACE, GRETA, OUTER SPACE.

Jesus lord, some people.

[Greta on Twitter / NBCGizmodo via Jezebel]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Hell of a coincidence we have here! On the very same day that a Russian spy gets arrested for using the NRA as a conduit to the Republican Party -- ahem POLITICAL PARTY 1! -- the United States Treasury announces that it won't be collecting donor information from "social welfare groups." Guess which "GUN RIGHTS ORGANIZATION" is a tax exempt social welfare group that raised $337 million in 2016 and will now be able to hide its donor list from the prying eyes of the American public?

Here's a hint:

That's right, donors to the the NRA and those Kochsuckers at Americans for Prosperity can now dump infinity political dollars into their lobbying and electioneering efforts without having their names disclosed to the Federal Election Commission. Or the IRS. Or anyone who might object to propping up lunatic politicians who want to arm preschoolers.

In the bad old days, i.e. yesterday, "social welfare organizations" had to give the IRS names and addresses of anyone donating over $5,000. But now they get to keep it all secret, as White Jesus and Charles Koch intended. Here's how the Treasury explains the change on its website.

Tax-exempt organizations described by section 501(c), other than section 501(c)(3) organizations, are no longer required to report the names and addresses of their contributors on the Schedule B of their Forms 990 or 990-EZ.

Okay, now 'splain us how awesome this is gonna be, Steven Mnuchin!

Americans shouldn't be required to send the IRS information that it doesn't need to effectively enforce our tax laws, and the IRS simply does not need tax returns with donor names and addresses to do its job in this area. It is important to emphasize that this change will in no way limit transparency. The same information about tax-exempt organizations that was previously available to the public will continue to be available, while private taxpayer information will be better protected.

BOOOOORING! Hey, Mitch McConnell, you're a big old whore -- say the quiet part out loud to the Wall Street Journal.

The IRS's decision is a move in the right direction to end activist regulators' culture of intimidation to silence political speech. [...] More and more states were using these documents to chill political discourse, rather than encourage it.

That'll do it! Can't do anything about the pizza racists running their mouths and ruining the grift. But you can make it harder for customers to work out what corporate owners do with their earnings. Because money is speech, and speech is free, and we all have a First Amendment right to secretly fund organizations that team up with Russia to ratfuck American elections and starve the poor.

Thanks, Justice Kennedy!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

If you click here to fund us, we promise not to make you read about tax policy tomorrow! PROBABLY.

[Treasury.gov / WSJ]

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Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

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