Guess Brett Kavanaugh Didn't Want Us To READ His Alibi Calendar
Brett Kavanaugh, you dumb son of a bitch!
Faced with mounting evidence that Kavanaugh was the douchiest of douchebros (and perhaps the rapiest), his supporters responded by releasing his calendar from summer of 1982. In which there are zero entries for "get plastered, follow girl upstairs, attempt to rape her while Mark Judge watches." Checkmate, libs!
No keggers, no groping, no getting blind drunk and exposing himself to women. Like he told the Fox lady, Kavanaugh was just a nice Catholic boy who went to church and was a good friend and only drank beers after he was 18 and it was "legal." If the glove does not fit, you must acquit!
Except, now we all know about B-E-A-C-H--W-E-E-K, you entitled sack of misogyny!
So when Julie Swetnick talks about you spiking the punch with roofies in Ocean City or Rehoboth, you've just told us exactly when you were there! But what else can we learn from this "exculpatory" document?
Well, looks like monthly visits to Dr. Dellatorre the dermatologist kept young Brett's skin shiny and clear for his two girlfriends, Suzanne and Nikki.
And we know that he spent a lot of time hanging out with Mark "Judge" and Squi.
And we hate to interrupt this Mensa meeting, but how does it help you to call your buddy a drunken rapist, then produce a document showing that you went to parties with him all summer long? Next you're going to tell us that you hung out with exactly the same guys Dr. Blasey said were at the party where you allegedly tried to rape her.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING RIGHT NOW? You're going to someone's house for (brew)skis with Mark Judge, Patrick (PJ) Smyth and that poor sap we don't name, just like Dr. Ford said? This is the document that's supposed to prove you're an innocent choir boy who never touched a woman until marriage?
BRO, DO YOU EVEN LAW?
Brett Kavanaugh, you are GROUNDED
And also, GO THE FUCK AWAY you horrible monster!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.