Texas Idiot F*cks Around (Goes To Trial On Jan. 6 Charges), Finds Out (He's Going To Prison)

pic via the dumb dicksnot's indictment

NBC News brings us glad tidings about Guy Reffitt, a man from Texas who is now both the first January 6 MAGA terrorist to take his charges to trial, and also the first one to be found guilty on all counts by a jury of his peers. For those keeping track at home, that's a 100 percent success rate for prosecutors getting convictions for January 6 MAGA terrorists at trial.

Reffitt was a man with a gun and some zipties on January 6, and he was convicted on every one of the charges against him, all five of 'em, including a FIREARMS charge, to all those who say the January 6 terrorists weren't armed, he was convicted on a FIREARMS charge.

Jurors began deliberating Tuesday morning after a weeklong trial in which they heard testimony from Reffitt's teenage son, Jackson Reffitt, who tipped off the FBI about his father before the Jan. 6 attack.

Hahahahaha turned in by his own son. What's that sound? Oh just a choir of angels singing a heavenly refrain of "that's what you GET, motherfucker."

Prosecutors told jurors about how Reffitt bragged on Telegram after his little performance on January 6 that he was the "first person to light the fire on the Capitol steps." Golly, he was just full of charming words, according to all these receipts prosecutors had:

“I don’t care if Pelosi’s head is hitting every stair as I drag her by her ankles, she is coming out,” Reffitt said, according to the government.

And so coy about his true intentions. Makes proving "motive" very, very tricky!

Indeed, NBC News notes what a challenge prosecutors had in front of them with this guy:

Over and over again — both before and after Jan. 6 — Reffitt recorded himself in various forums talking about what he planned to do and what he did. He even bragged about his conduct on a Zoom call that he recorded himself, which the government found on an external hard drive.

International man of mystery!

Last year, when the news still had to use quaint words like "alleged" when referring to this now-convicted Capitol terrorist, Reffitt was quoted in Newsweek saying all kinds of charming things about how the terrorism had only just begun, and how the Capitol attack was merely a "preface," like of a book.

Reffitt allegedly bragged about having a firearm with him during the January 6 riot, threatened his children with their lives if they turned him in and predicted there would be additional violence in the future.

"We took the Capital [sic] of the United States of America and we will do it again," Reffitt wrote to other members of the Texas Three Percenters, a militia movement, according to a prosecutors' filing.

Like we said, a charmer.

Reffitt also bragged to TTP members that rioters had "thousands of weapons," but fired no rounds and "next time we will not be so cordial."

So confusing, because again, fucksticks like GOP Senator Ron Johnson always say the January 6 terrorists weren't armed. And yet here's this guy getting convicted on a real live firearms charge and bragging about how many there were (thousands!) annd how next time those weapons will get fired.

Of course Ron Johnson is also the guy who thinks January 6 would have been scary if it was led by Black people, but since it was all these nice white people, it was fine. Maybe he thinks Reffitt was a good white guy with a gun.

Anyway, if you want to read more quotes about how this violent criminal is also a very stupid man, and how this stupid criminal is also a very violent man, check the internet.

So that's how things went for the first stupid loser Capitol terrorist to go to trial. Wanna place bets how things go for the rest of th-

Oh man that is just a really good Proud Boy underpants dork arrest video.


[Newsweek / NBC News / ibid.]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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